Well, last night’s episode of Top Chef did NOT dissapoint, and hopefully neither will our hilarious musings below. ENJOY!
Allie: So, we’ve begun
Andie: Haha the Euros are funny
Allie: I know, I love them
Did you look at the pictures I posed about, the ones on Amuse-biatch with their wives/girlfriends?
Andie: no! I’ll look tomorrow
Allie: Aww, Hosea is such a nice Jewish boy is calling to check on his father!
Andie: I know! He has cancer L
Allie: this is sad!
Allie: Look at this Christmas set up
Where are the dreidels?
Seriously?
How is this a “holiday” party with no decorations other than Christmas ones?
WHERE ARE THE FREAKIN DREIDELS??
Andie: Martha doesn’t do Jews?
Allie: Padma is wearing a sweater
That means its winter now.
Andie: No, its still summer
They just want it to feel like its winter atmosphere!
Allie: Right, that’s what I meant
Andie: MARTHA!!!!!!!!!
Allie: MARTHA
TOP CHEF GODDESS
Andie: Carla’s face!
Allie: CARLA
I’ve been waiting all season for that face
What what! Jersey pride, I love Ariane.
Andie: yeah except she claims Connecticut, not NJ
Allie: Ya, she’s a bad ass b/c she went to prison
Are we pretending that didn’t happen?
Andie: yes
Allie: Why does Martha get to act like she didn’t go to prison?
Andie: 45 minutes for a one pot? Casserole!
Allie: I know
My first thought was a winter stew, but that would take too long
Allie: You have to let stew…stew
Andie: Kale! I made Kale for dinner!
Andie: back on team Jamie
oooh Paella could be dangerous, Hosea
Allie: Paella will be d’lish
It’s just the Quickfire
They can afford to take a risk. Quickfire is when they should take risks b/c if you don’t win its like, “oh well”.
Andie: This is true
Andie: Ariane and Jamie? I would never have put that pairing together.
Allie: wow, that’s a great duo
I would have never thought.
Ugh
Jamie
So arrogant!
Andie: I made polenta tonight too!
Seriously, this Quickfire is my dinner!
Allie: no way!
Andie: in bits and pieces
Allie: that’s so weird
What did you make?
Andie: kale chicken and mushrooms over polenta
Allie: mmmm!
I’m loving this one pot!
Andie: uh oh, Eugene’s doing stew!
dum dum dummmm!
Allie: I love comfort food
Andie: let’s see if your prediction comes true
I know me too!
Where’s the Mac n cheese?!?
Andie: is that an X-MAS food?
Allie: that’s not all in one pot
Mac and Cheese, you gotta make rue.
Ya, Martha’s a tough woman because she went to PRISON
Andie: the Jew clearly knows nothing
Allie: Seriously
Great judge
Great guest judge
Andie: best guest judge ever!
Actually
I take it back
Allie: but we’re all pretending like she didn’t go to prison
Andie: Anthony bourdon is the best judges ever
Allie: yes he is
Andie: obvi
Allie: but Martha
Ok
Why
Did she get to go to prison, come right back, and we let her go RIGHT back to her normal life!?
Andie: I wonder what she was like in prison.
She didn’t go RIGHT back
Allie: it’s like she went to a prolonged spa vacation
Andie: she got roasted for a looong time
Allie: I mean…
Andie: but she had enough money to get herself back into the game
Allie: but if she had to go to ACTUAL prison
Like
If prison was equal for the rich and the poor
Can you imagine what she’d be like now?
I hope that neither you nor I ever have to go to prison.
That’s what I’m wishing you for Hanukah, Andie.
Andie thanks Allie; I was really concerned I was going to prison this year
Allie: You never know
Andie: speaking of, I think I’m going to bake cookies for a Hanukkah party this weekend, in Chappaqua
Andie: good idea?
Allie: what kind
Well…
Andie: I’ll send the recipe tomorrow remind me
Chocolate Chippy Carmel things
Its baackkk!
Allie: my roomies and me made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with toffee and dried cherries for our landlord and she loved them.
Andie: whoa, Martha was pissy to Eugene!
Allie: And now she smiles at me
Andie: “you thickened it WITH????”
Aw Martha <3s Stefan
Allie: that Paella looks amazing. Paella is so delicious
Andie: mmmmmm, Hosea is my favorite right now in the series
Now that I said that he’ll go home
Allie: he better not because he’s on my fantasy team
Andie: Potato Risotto? interesting….
Allie: I can’t wait to see Fabio and Martha
“Pungent”
Andie: OMG, I hope he woos her
Allie: you don’t want Martha to say “pungent”
JERSEY
JERSEY JERSY
Ariane stumped Martha!
Andie: Jersey girls got along
Allie: ARIANE !
SHE’S SO AWEMOE
I love her
I officially love her
If she’s ok for Martha, she’s ok for me
Allie: Martha pronouciates her words so well
Andie: I know
Allie: PO-TAY-TO-RIS-SO-TO
Allie: Eugene’s gonna FIGHT!
Andie: where is her jersey accent?!
Allie: Martha vs. Eugene
Andie: “housewives” – is that an offensive word?
Allie: who wins in a bitch-fight?
Andie: Martha DOES NOT like Fabio!
Martha wins def
Andie: she went to PRISON
Allie: hahahaha, Fabio’s vein
Andie: haha “my grandmother would be so ashamed of you”
Allie: Fabio’s grandma vs. Martha
Who wins?
In a bitch fight?
Andie: Fabio’s g-ma!!!!
Allie: Fabio’s g-ma WTF!!
Andie: those Italians are feisty!
Dude, Ariane AGAIN?!?
Allie: ARIANEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Andie: hahahaah
Allie: SHE’S SO AMAZING
Andie: I’m proud of her
Comeback kid!
“Pleased Martha” – that is winning in itself
And Ariane is the one who will actually use that book you know?
Allie: totally
Andie: I don’t think the other actually cook at home
Allie: not for kids
Wait
I just missed the challenge
Elves?
Who are they?
Family?
Oooo!!!
Andie: are you kidding?!?!
Allie: WTF?
What is going on?
They’re so confused
“Strong voices” is Bravo’s nice way of saying “black voices”
Allie: Carla is having a huge celebrity sighting day
Andie: they’re besties
Allie: challenge is:
Cook food for black people
Andie: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Allie: oh god
Andie: I LOVE THIS!
Allie: Is the choir going to sing every time someone picks a knife?
Andie: yesss
Allie: what is going on?!?!?
This is ridiculous
Andie: What, no, “FIIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINGS”?
That’s the best part!
Allie: Ya!!
That is the best part
Andie: Beaker; “my mind cannot compute”
Allie: I don’t get the challenge
Can you explain it?
Andie: of course it can’t darling, you met Martha, and you saw the Harlem gospel choir
Yes, you need to create a dish around your verse
So, 12 drummers drumming can be little drumsticks done fancy
Or skewers
Or FIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINGS could be some sort of ringed food
Allie: got it!
The Real Housewives are so incredibly awful
Aww, that singing was so cute! I loved that
Andie: our Whole Foods!
Allie: We saw Padma there!
Carla has no boobs
Like none
Andie: Ok I like that – pipers piping = smoking something
Allie: Ya
That sounds good
Jeff isn’t horrible
He’s just like
Down on himself
Bad attitude
Leah’s all about the one bite
Andie: yeah he needs a spirit lifter
ahhhh the infamous deviled eggs from the promo
Allie: I love that Ariane drops her Gs
Andie: ARIANE!
Allie: uh oh, Scallops!
Andie: Why uh oh?
Andie: yeah
Deviled eggs though…..
I know we saw in the previews tom was mad but still – who make those on top chef?
Allie: wait who’s making deviled eggs?
Andie: Arianne
!!!!
“Geese a layin’”
Allie: oh no!
Allie: ok, what is with that watermelon, seriously?
Andie: we were just commenting on that!
No clue
Stefan’s work
Allie: Their New York apt. is nice than any other apt. they’ve had before
Andie: oh no….THE FRIDGE
Allie: horrible!
They need to all band together
And make one big meal
Andie: looks like they are trying to…
Allie: Rhadika better pull it out
OMG, those are my two teammates!
Allie: THEYRE BOTH ON MY TEAM
It’s so nice that everyone is helping
Andie: yeah
Allie: but see
This is what I’m talking about
They all work together so well
Andie: and I bet the crew people knew the fridge wasn’t closed and couldn’t tell them
Allie: It’s not a competition
But it’s very Christmassy
But they’re going to flip out if one of the people who got help wins
Andie: this is why I love this show – it’s a competition but they work in a kitchen with other chefs and this is what they do on a daily basis
Allie: its never been like this before
This is the first season
That was touching though
All so touching
Andie: no this is the first time its been this nice and wonderful
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!
Fabio is going to win this little phone quiz like 99 to 1.
“Who do you want to go under the mistletoe with?”
Andie: Michelle Bernstein!!!
Allie: she’s awful
Andie: why isn’t Hosea on that quiz?
Andie: No, Michelle Bernstein is not awful
Allie: Hosea isn’t that cute
Andie: I like him
I mean, no Harold season 1
Allie: hello
All I got to say
Don’t even talk Harold to me
When there’s Sam
Andie: you’re right, Sam wins
But Harold was the first gorgeous top chef
I want to go to Perilla!
Allie: me2
Andie: holiday special next week!
You’ll be in Mexico
Allie: oh no
I’ll see it though
Ok
I hope the food is good
Andie: me too
Haha Stefan called that Natasha Richardson “yum”
Allie: the voice is what Fabio likes?
What about the BOD?
She’s so hot!
This is an anti-AIDs commercial
Andie: yeah she is
Ha it’s like July and they are having a staged Christmas party so funny
Allie: we just watched a commercial for Natasha Richardson’s foundation without knowing it
Allie: I hope Rhadika wins
How does Carla know what Kenneth Cole looks like?
Andie: no idea
Allie: gene is gonna get fucked
Andie: yeah too sweet
Damnit, Eugene!
Allie: o Jamie, big bad
Andie: raw scallops? That’s what they said?
Allie: YES
Where’s Gail?
Andie: gone!
Getting married
I wish Martha was still here
Allie: I know! Where is Martha?
Andie: beets – I like beets
Allie: I don’t know if I’ve ever had one
Andie: and that cheese (so does Brian – he just showed up)
I did for the firs time a few weeks ago
Allie: these New York women are upfront
Just trying to get on TV
Andie: yeah
Socialite!
Allie: Padma’s hair looks great like that
Allie: where the eff is Gail?
Oh you know what
Honeymoon
Andie: yeah
Wedding things
Allie: ugh
bumster
Andie: not for her
She’s honeymooning!
Allie: long honeymoon
Andie: Well, she had the wedding.
Allie: the shower isn’t right before the wedding, is it?
Andie: I don’t know. I’m sure that wasn’t her real shower.
I hope it wasn’t
Allie: really hope it wasn’t.
Andie: I’m sure it wasn’t
Ok, my friend Matthew predicted Eugene to go home
Allie: Ya, he’s due
Andie: yeah
But they are going to rip into Ariane
Allie: nah
I like that more than two people are winning these challenges
Andie: yeah I hope so
Allie: not like last season
You know
Ok my whole fantasy team is in the top right now!!!!
I rule
Andie: Yeahhhh, Allie!
Allie: I just said that aloud
“I rule”
Andie: haha
Of course you did
RAD FOR TEH WINS?!?!
Allie: I’m going to get so many points tonight
That’s who I predicted
Andie: even better!
Allie: NICE
WHEATEVR
Andie: I like Hosea
Allie: HOSEA
Oh, Ariane slid by
Andie: yeah she did
Allie: haha
Andie: I’m surprised
Allie: and Carla
Me too
The judges are so stern!!
Jamie has such a dominant stance
She’s so ridiculous
Andie: yeah she does
Doesn’t take criticism well
Allie: she’s like Lisa
Andie: yeah but I like her more than Lisa
Lisa was – I don’t know – awful
Allie: every time she moves her head they make that swishy noise
That is a lot of cheese
Andie: yeah
So did Jeff though – blue cheese is a pretty strong cheese
People either love it or hate it
Jeff’s cheese must have been milder.
Allie: gene looks like he’s going to flip out
Andie: he’s pretty darn close
Wow Michelle Bernstein doesn’t take crap from anyone!!!
She’s a New York woman
Fighter!
Andie: yeah she is
Allie: could Jamie go?
No
It’s Gene
Andie: totally Gene
Maybe Melissa – but I still think gene
Allie: could be either
Wow
Andie: wait are they mad at all the chefs?!
Allie: woaw
They really are
Andie: THEY ARE!
I would be so scared if daddy Tom gave me a talking to
Roomie just had an interesting thought – maybe they won’t send anyone home
They’ve done it before
Allie: I hope that doesn’t happen
Andie: just a thought
Putting it out there
Allie: too confusing
Andie: ha
Allie: I don’t like these super sized episodes
I need to go to bed!
Andie: LOL Tommmm
Andie: Leah, don’t talk back to daddy tom!
Allie: wa wa
These are grown ups!
WOW
Andie: TOLD YOU!!!!!!!
Allie: WOW
You called it
No one going home!
Andie: technically, Molly called it
She wants a shoutout
Allie: lol
Ok
Andie: annnnd the end
Allie: very good
Andie: OMG next challenge rocks!
Allie: THIS IS TOP CHEF THIS IS NOT TOP SCALOPS
Andie: HAHAHA
Allie: WOAW
Two men on the judges table
Andie: i know!
Allie: wow
Andie: beaker’s reaction?
Allie: ok bed time
Andie: PRICELESS
Ditto
Love you
Talk tomorrow
The Grocery Hags 