Tag Archives: Allie

Fabio Wants You to Eat Pizza

Mama Mia! Look what I just found on YumSugar.com! Grocery Hags’ favorite Italian schmoozer is apparently shilling frozen pizzas.

Dr. Oetker, one of Europe’s top frozen pizza brands, is launching its Ristorante line in America, and has called on the reality TV personality to be the spokesperson for the thin-crust pizza. “We feel Fabio is the perfect voice for the brand,” Dr. Oetker USA said in a statement. “He has an incredible personality and a real passion for cooking.”

I don’t know if I’ll buy frozen pizza (in New York?! please) just because Fabs’ face is on the box, but I may try it. You know…because why not? It may make a good blog entry. Maybe we’ll hear more about this at the reunion spesh tonight? CARLA FOR FAN FAVORITE!

WORST. FINALE. EVER!!!

Wow….247 people have already checked this blog for our reaction to last night’s Top Chef, and its not even 10am! I guess you really care what we have to say. That, or you’re just as PISSED as we are and you’re looking for a place to vent. Either way, I think we all agree that the only possible reaction to last night’s Top Chef is: WHAT THE FUCK!?!??!

Never in my life have I been so unhappy at a Final episode of a series.  NEVER. Even the Sopranos ended better than this. My trust/love/respect for this show is shot to hell, truly. It’s been nearly 12 hours and I’m still angry. Mother Trucker!

Oh, you mean some of you don’t know? Ok: The idiot gap toothed baldie bear jerk , with the help of  Top Chef Season 4’s far superior Richard Blais, beat Carla and Stefan for the title.  The judges loved his venison…they loved his red snapper app…they thought his only mistake was serving meat instead of a sweet for his final course, but they loved the damn meat, so they forgave it! And Carla totally bombed. And Stefan shot himself in the foot with this dessert Padma so hilariously described as “Pedestrian at best.” HA! The one bright spot in the show, for me anyway. Padma is so stupid. Anyway…

It just kills me how Casey, Carla’s sous chef, came back and, in her one chance to redeem herself from her shotty showing at her own Top Chef Finale episode in season 3, she COMPLETELY recreated the exact scenario she was in 2 years ago: a strong contender who coulda gone all the way doesn’t cook what she knows how to cook and she ends up in a distant 3rd. So sad.

What killed me is how upset she was.  Carla – what did you learn when cooking for Wylie Dufrense? Jacques Pepin? Freakin  ERIC RIPERt? You succeed when you cook your food!! C’mon, there’s no Love in Sous Vide meat! You don’t do sous Vide meat! And why would you not make a tart!? The judges LOVE your tarts! Seriously Carla: I am so dissapointed.

But you know what? We still love you, HOOTIE – FOREVER! And I’m putting my money on Carla being Fan Favorite next week at the reunion. Screw Fabio. Yes – I said that.

It really sucks that the judges based their final decision on one meal instead of the competition as a whole (especially since they so obviously gave Stefan a pass in order for him to get into the finals) but that’s the TC policy since day one, weather we like it or not, and that’s why this guy is now “Top Chef,”

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And why I have to go barf now.

Please comment and share your angry rants with us. We need to bond together in times like this. Its not healthy to go through these tough moments alone. To quote Harvey Milk, “I KNOW YOU’RE ANGRY! I’M ANGRY!!!!!” Let us heal together. In the comments.

DC Celebs that Aren’t Obama

So the Grocery Hags took a lil trip to DC this weekend to have a reunion with their two favorite people. There was shopping, cooking, and of course eating, involved.

Once such eating adventure took us to a burger joint near the Eastern Market. Maybe you know the chef of Good Stuff Eatery?

Complete with Hat

Complete with Hat

Yep – Spike from TC4!!!! He was manning the grill where there was a special Inauguration weekend menu. I clearly had the Obama burger – with red onion marmalade, horseradish mayo, and blue cheese (red, white and blue – GET IT?!?! Not gonna lie…I didn’t at first). It was delish. And Allie enjoyed her Turkey Burger. Plus, fries come with dipping sauces other than ketchup / mustard – Allie loved the Old Bay mayo but I prefered the Chipotle one. Anyone who knows me knows my love of dip – they are key.

I gained a little more respect for Spike (I wasn’t a fan of his last season) while at this restaurant. I loved that he was there, manning the grill, posing for pictures (by our star-struck yet doesn’t really love TC friend), and wearing funny hats. And it’s a family owned place – his adorable father owns the restaurant and spends his days upstairs finding empty tables, cleaning up and generally being a happy camper. After we polished off everything on the table, we chatted with him a bit. Papa Mendelsohn was so proud of Spike and was thrilled when he decided to become a chef. However, Spike apparently didn’t tell the fam he was going to be on Top Chef until AFTER filming. Scandal?

Top Chef: SEASON 5 EPISODE 1

Ahh, winter. The leaves are crisp and the ground is icy. The air is cold and, as I walk to the subway at 8:08 on the weekday mornings, I see the chill that has come to inhabit my sad, lonely heart exhale out from my mouth as my lips freeze and my heart warms because TOP CHEF IS BACK, BABY!


Yes! Last Wednesday night’s TV schedule was AMPED UP to 11!! I was super jazzed to see the show this season not only because I love this fool, but because the show was filmed in JEW YORK, which means that Padma and Tom might grace some fabulous little NYC nook & Cranny neighborhood that I’VE ACTUALLY BEEN TO with their presence. Then, over Christmas, when I’m at home watching Top Chef reruns with my mom, I can be all like, “Oh ya, I’ve been to that place where they’re cooking blindfolded right now. Its like so last summer,” and my mom will be like, “what? oh. What?” and then I’ll sigh and mom will burp and it will be just like nothing ever changed.

Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, TOP CHEF!!

Since its like, impossible, and stupid to talk about all the contestants on the TC premeire (as some of them will be gone soon and most are dumb anyway) I’ve decided to pick my 4 favs to watch this season and focus on just them.

Please note: I’m picking these chef-testants based on cooking skills (even though we haven’t seen much) background (althought I don’t really care) and how much these fools look like muppet characters whose pictures I could readily find on teh internet (because that’s what really matters). So here we go:

1) The Sure Thing: Stefan

stefan1eagle1
Ok, let me ask you a question? Why have this guy on the show? Why? Seriously? The smug European smirk on this dude’s face has already pissed me off and I hate that TC isn’t even trying anymore to create the illusion of an even playing field. Like, Stefan the Finnish Master Chef vs. Ariane, the fava bean loving mom from New Jersey?

ariane1

I don’t think so.

This guy is obviously going to win it all. He’s an asshole and we all know that Tom respects assholes and Padma wants to do them. So there’s the title. You’re welcome

2. The Fan Fav: Richard

richardfozzy1

This guy had me at his cute little comment about what a bear Tom Coliccio is. How adorable, he has a crush!!!!!!!! I love him already. Richard is so right for Bravo’s fag/hag audience; he’s my favorite gay character on TV right now, even higher than Mark from Ugly Betty and THAT’S saying something!

3. The Immigrant With The Heart of Gold: Gene

genekermit_1_

Look, Mom! It’s the American dream! This Latino pulled himself up by his apron straps to become a great chef, even without the help of Culinary School! He’s the Barack Obama of Top Chef! If Gene wins Top Chef, it will be a symbol for People of Color everywhere that in America ANYONE can rise to the highest office in the land…YES WE CAN!!!

Really though, I thought this whole story was played out until I saw this picture on the Bravotv.com website:

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And, like the silly woman that I am, I was sold. GO GENE! GENE, GENE, GENE, FOR THE WIN, WIN WIN!!!

lastly,

The Insane-a-zoid: Carla

carla1beaker3

And thats really all I got.

Ultimately I like last week’s episode. Exotifying the various New York neighborhoods’ cuisine was pretty great for a first challenge, although the pizza challenge in Chicago reigns supreme with me, as far as first challenges go. I dunno, with this season of Top Chef, I feel like its just, well, it’s indulgent. How many Top Chefs can there be before the title becomes obsolete?

OOO, you know what I would love to see? A TOP CHEF chef-off!!! Can you imagine: Harold, Ilan, Hung, Stephanie and whoever wins this season (cough Stefan cough)throwing down to see who is ACTUALLY Top Chef? That would be AMAZING!!!!!

Until then, we’ll be back each week for live chats and updates. ENJOY!

-Allie