This one Is For Stefan

Blog me, Amadeus

Apparently: Stefan loves blogs! Or so he mentions in his fantastic exit interview on endlessimmer.com. Honestly, this guy has a soul. I’m sold on him. The good parts of his interview are bolded below for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

Q: I thought the dessert was gonna put you over the top last night, but it kind of bombed. What happened?

A: The problem — and the other chefs will back me up on this — is that the plates are too fucking small. You’ve got a 4-inch plate. How are you going to put a decent dessert on that?

Q: How pissed were you when Fabio said Hosea’s food was better than yours?

A: Absolutely not. You know, Europeans are honest. You’ve got to be honest. In one episode I said that Fabio’s lamb was overcooked; you’ve got to be honest. I can take it. By the way, I love bloggers. You guys are fucking awesome. I love reading it all. I just read and laugh and laugh. I take it like it is and just laugh so hard.

Q: You’re not phased by being disliked?

A: I’m always very confident. People call it arrogant, cocky, I call it confident. Did I look like an idiot on TV? No, I looked like a million bucks, so I’m very happy about that.

Q: But you must be mad that you didn’t win Top Chef.

A:I did win Top Chef, buddy, read the blogs! Hosea gets a $100,000 egg. I am the chicken who is going to lay a lot of eggs and make a lot of money. I’m selling t-shirts at cockychefclothing.com — I’m selling panties with a picture of a cock on it, it’s great. And I’ve got a book coming out called Dirty Dishes, it’s a bunch of chefs writing recipes and writing about me and my life.

Q: What about that teary moment with Carla? You’re really a softie, huh?

A: Let me tell you, Carla is a very sweet lady. I had some tears in my eyes when I watched that on TV. I can’t see women crying, it fucking breaks my heart. That’s why I picked Marcel. I saw Carla’s face and I knew she couldn’t deal with him. He’s an ass, I’m an ass, so I could deal with him. Marcel was a very good sous chef, by the way. He’s a bit of a twat, but who isn’t?

Q: Speaking of the t-word, I can’t believe they let you say that on TV!

A: Twat is not that bad. Cock made it onto TV. I said cock twice on national TV. Look, it’s an English word, we all know what it means.

Q: Are you gonna do more TV?

A: Let me tell you, I’m working on it. I think I have a good shot at something.

Q: Maybe you and Fabio can get a show?

A: That would be hilarious, but I think it would be better if me and Jamie got a show.

Q: Are you still in love with Jamie?

A: How can you not be in love with her? I love the lesbians. Who doesn’t? It wouldn’t be the first time. That chick has a great smile and the best laugh. Love her. Leah too, by they way. She also had a great laugh. If Jamie reads this, if she’s ever ready for babies, I’m ready for it. We would make pretty babies.

Q: Do you hope to open a restaurant?

A: Let me tell you buddy, write a check. I want to open a restaurant, but I want to do it in the right way; not too high-end, especially with the economy. I went to a place last night where Bud Light was $13. That’s retarted. I want to do a restaurant that’s fun, where people can just go sit outside, sit by the fire, have a good time.

Q: What did you learn most from Top Chef?

A: You gotta be on the good side of the bloggers, that’s the key.

Q: Anything else you want to add?

A: You guys gotta lay off Hosea a bit. He’s getting a lot of shit and it’s really tearing him up. He doesn’t deserve that much shit. He deserves a little bit of shit but not that much.

WOW!!!!!! He’s so so so likable. I want him and Carla to have babies. And I want to sit outside and eat at his restaurant.

As for that last bit: SUCK IT, HOSEA!

Another Blog about Last night

I’ve just stumbled upon a lot of things I want to bring to your attention; most of them involve Twitter.

1st: Poor Gail, she’s feeling just as bad as we are RE: Carla

from amusebiatch and Gail’s twitter:

Ugh, horrible. Great pic of Gail, though! She’s such a beaut, and she’s got fabulous breasts. Moving on…

2: A conversation between a Twitter interview and Top Chef subsitute Judge Toby Young:

DUDE: Are you coming back next season? Or for any other TC projects?

TOBY: My people are talking to their people, as we say in show business. I hope they can work it out — it’s been a lot of fun

HMMMMM, I’ll take that as a NO! If the complete lack of Toby the Terrible in the past three episodes is any indication, I think the producers got the picture: WE NO LIKEY.

ok 3, from Amuse-biatch again, a big “WTF” that we missed:

 

Ew. He gets the girl AND the title? What is wrong with this world?

For more funny/angry/confused Top Chef blogs and videos, I suggest the following:

Gawker

Grub Street

TIME magazine (yes, thats right)

enjoy!

WORST. FINALE. EVER!!!

Wow….247 people have already checked this blog for our reaction to last night’s Top Chef, and its not even 10am! I guess you really care what we have to say. That, or you’re just as PISSED as we are and you’re looking for a place to vent. Either way, I think we all agree that the only possible reaction to last night’s Top Chef is: WHAT THE FUCK!?!??!

Never in my life have I been so unhappy at a Final episode of a series.  NEVER. Even the Sopranos ended better than this. My trust/love/respect for this show is shot to hell, truly. It’s been nearly 12 hours and I’m still angry. Mother Trucker!

Oh, you mean some of you don’t know? Ok: The idiot gap toothed baldie bear jerk , with the help of  Top Chef Season 4’s far superior Richard Blais, beat Carla and Stefan for the title.  The judges loved his venison…they loved his red snapper app…they thought his only mistake was serving meat instead of a sweet for his final course, but they loved the damn meat, so they forgave it! And Carla totally bombed. And Stefan shot himself in the foot with this dessert Padma so hilariously described as “Pedestrian at best.” HA! The one bright spot in the show, for me anyway. Padma is so stupid. Anyway…

It just kills me how Casey, Carla’s sous chef, came back and, in her one chance to redeem herself from her shotty showing at her own Top Chef Finale episode in season 3, she COMPLETELY recreated the exact scenario she was in 2 years ago: a strong contender who coulda gone all the way doesn’t cook what she knows how to cook and she ends up in a distant 3rd. So sad.

What killed me is how upset she was.  Carla – what did you learn when cooking for Wylie Dufrense? Jacques Pepin? Freakin  ERIC RIPERt? You succeed when you cook your food!! C’mon, there’s no Love in Sous Vide meat! You don’t do sous Vide meat! And why would you not make a tart!? The judges LOVE your tarts! Seriously Carla: I am so dissapointed.

But you know what? We still love you, HOOTIE – FOREVER! And I’m putting my money on Carla being Fan Favorite next week at the reunion. Screw Fabio. Yes – I said that.

It really sucks that the judges based their final decision on one meal instead of the competition as a whole (especially since they so obviously gave Stefan a pass in order for him to get into the finals) but that’s the TC policy since day one, weather we like it or not, and that’s why this guy is now “Top Chef,”

And why I have to go barf now.

Please comment and share your angry rants with us. We need to bond together in times like this. Its not healthy to go through these tough moments alone. To quote Harvey Milk, “I KNOW YOU’RE ANGRY! I’M ANGRY!!!!!” Let us heal together. In the comments.

Top 5 Smackdown

I have basically nothing to say about last night’s Top Chef. Well, nothing too snarky, anyway. I though it was a fantastic episode from start to finish. I loved the quickfire, especially the always deliciously nerdy Wylie Dufrense, in whose restaurant Ben and I celebrated our one year anniversary with Popcorn Soup, Waygu skirt steak, and foie gras. It was certainly the most uniquely yummy meal I’ve ever had, and I’ll never forget how nicely the staff treated us. I’m always happy to be properly waited on, particularly in New York. But I digress…

I also loved the Elimination Challenge: it was FABULOUS. It gave the chefs the chance to just cook something and cook it well. Plus, we at home got to play our own, “What would your last meal be?” game. Mine: Tex-Mex. Easy, no question. Chips and  fresh salsa, guacamole, tamales, rice and beans, I’m happy. That, or pepperoni pizza. And Mac&Cheese. Damn! Other picks I heard: fillet Mignon, ribs, and biscuits & sausage gravy. mmmmmmm

The standout last night, and for the past couple of nights was, OBVIOUSLY, Carla. 

First she made a great looking take on “Green Eggs & Ham”, and then she rocked the Elimination Challenge with Squab and Peas…of all things! Is she fantastic or what?

I heard a bit of dissension from my Top Chef crew last night about Carla’s abilities, credentials and whether she really deserves to be in the top 4, but ultimately I think she does, and here’s why: she’s learned. Carla had all these problems stemming from her inability to focus and her tendency to do too much, but she learned, and she fixed them! She realized, “this isn’t working,” so she went another direction: good, simple, great tasting food, and guess what? It hits the mark every time!

 

I hate when the cheftestants, like Hosea, make all this fuss about “Do I go all out? Do I go traditional? Hows my facial hair?” etc. Look, its not what you do that matters, its HOW you do it, and if you don’t get that by now, then you are going to lose. Make. good. food. that’s it.

Another stand out last night: my lover Fabio who, with total class and stick-to-it-iveness, made a whole meal with only 9 fingers, and he didn’t even flaunt his handi-capability to the table of Chefs when he introduced his dish. Now THAT takes restraint, seriously!! Bravo, Fabio! You deserve 2 of those HUGE bottles of wine.

Total shit-shows: Leah, Hosea and Padma. Leah, Hosea: go away. I’m so glad Leah finally went home, it only would have been better if she’d taken Hosea with her. Hosea – you suck. You think Stefan is your only competition and I predict that that will be your undoing. And Padma, were you um… cold?

YOWZA!

And maybe…um…STONED? C’mon! I get why you would partake of the herb before eating a HUGE delicious meal, but on on TV, Padma! Kids watch this show!

Best Padma line of the night: “Your two kinds of Spinach tasted like one kind of Spinach.” THANKS!

Anyway, I’m satisfied with the final four, and I’m excited to see what happens in New Orleans. Preview: GAIL RETURNS, Fabio expresses his new found love for the Sex Pistols, and Carla meets a hair straightener. GOOD TIMES! 

Poll:

A little Gail Goes a Long Way

Thank heavens for BravoTV.com. I found today that they had a little bit of what I need, and that’s Gail Simmons

Gail does a fabulous job in her blog this week explaining the decision that ultimately got Jamie sent home. On TV, it doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense, but from Gail, I get it. Good parts bolded below:

 

Were you surprised that Jamie was sent home?

No. She went home because she didn’t like her dish as much as anything else. From the get-go she knew this was not a technique she liked. She didn’t want to do the bass right off the bat. It was her least favorite dish, so I think a lot of it became attitude. I love Jamie, I loved her from the first day, and I actually think she’s a great talent. I have a lot of friends in San Francisco who are obsessed with her restaurant. I know she had a shot at being Top Chef just as much as anyone, but I know she can be negative when she doesn’t like what she’s doing. That is a problem for chefs, because it’s easy for them to forget that they’re not cooking for themselves, they’re cooking for customers. There are always going to be tasks, dishes, flavor profiles and combinations, and ingredients you might not like or might not be your favorite thing to do.

You can argue that as an executive chef of restaurant you’ll never have to do something you don’t want to, but even that’s not true, especially now. If a customer comes into your restaurant and pays $100 a person or more, as they would be at Le Bernardin, and a customer says, “I want a side of Caesar Salad with my fish” or something like that, that’s what you do for them. Cooking cannot be about your ego. Chefs often get into a lot of trouble when they stop cooking for other people, and they start cooking for themselves only. I think Jamie can fall into that trap. I think part of her demise on this episode was that her head wasn’t in the game because she didn’t love what she was doing. She saw the challenge as a hindrance to her success.

Gail, right? She knows.

Now for a tiny spoiler:

Can you give us a little teaser about the Finale?

What I can tell you is that I had the most amazing time in New Orleans. I can’t believe how dynamic the city is, and how good and diverse the food is. You will get to see a lot of that on the show. New Orleans will really show the true colors of the remaining chefs. Nothing is as it seems. Nothing.

Ok, now I’m excited!

Return to Form

I think we can all agree that Top Chef was a return to form last night: It was a seriously entertaining episode with a good challenge, a great guest judge, and some quality dishes. Lets start at the beginning.

 

First: Ripert. When you see him, you know something good is coming. Before I continue, I have to post this picture I found of him on teh google image search:

I will love you and then I will cut you

Wow. Just, wow!  There are tons of pictures of Ripert on teh interwebz looking all sexy and shit. They’re a little silly, and they make me like him  a lot. He seems like a nice dude, and he gives the best quickfire challenges. Example: last nite’s fish off.

During round one I was totally caught off guard by fabulous, loveable Carla and the way she charmed the PANTS off Eric Ripert. How cute was that? She just talked to him like some dude, unlike Hosea who couldn’t stop going on and on about how he’s a fish chef and he was dissapointed in himself, blah blah blah. Is it just me, or is Hosea A LOT less likeable than he used to be? Seriously dude, enough with the America vs. Europe shit. As my friend Sophie said:  Its not a U.S . vs. E.U. thing, its a YOU vs. STEFAN thing. OOOOOO! BURNED!

Carla totally melted the ice  off this French fisherman’s heart, and you could tell that he liked it. 

 

Oh ya, Ripert likey!

Round two was boring (except when Leah just gave up for no reason, but I’ll get into that later) and then, I gotta tell you, when Ripert pulled out that eel – my eyes popped.  AND, when Stefan nailed that eel to the cutting board and ripped off its skin with his bare hands, my jaw pretty much hit the ground.  That was a little too much violent German for this Jewish girl’s taste, I’m just sayin.

So, Stefan wins OF COURSE, and the Cheftestants retreat to Williamburg where they go to bed, get up, and get all dressed up and snazzy for lunch at Le Bernadin. Except Jamie. What the hell, Jamie? Putting on hoop earrings does not appropriately dress up your t-shirt for lunch at a 5 star restaurant. This is New York, not San Fran. Adapt.

Anyone with an ounce of sence, besides the cheftestants it seemed, knew what was about to happen. They were going to eat 6 fabulous dishes, and then be asked to recreate them. I couldn’t beleive how suprised they all acted. Are they really that dumb? They’ve done this EXACT challenge on the show before: hello: Dale, Casey, Hung and Brian, Season 3 with that potato, leak, fish thing! Maybe that tall guy was there too. What was his name? Whatever. ANYWAY!

The elimination challenge went along as most elimination challenges do, and in the end, it was Jamie who went home. Personally, I think it was because she didn’t respect her large-egoed elders. She didn’t dress up for lunch, she talked shit about the dishes and, in the end, she was not excited to cook the food. She made her own bed, I get it.

But truly: I wish it was Leah who had gone home last night. I’m SO SICK of her. She never makes anything great, she never says anything great, she never acts great, she never nothing. She’s so bland. She’s like pasta with butter. She’s chicken you cook in the microwave. She a jelly sandwich. Enough with her. SO SICK of her.

 

And: I wish it was Carla who’d won last night. I know Ripert was DYING to give it to her, but he just couldn’t. Maybe Stefan’s dish was a tad bit better, but damn, can you imagine: Carla shadowing Ripert for a week and then roadtripping it to Aspen together?

FOOD AND WINE OR BUST!

WOOOOOOOOOOOO! CAN YOU IMAGINE? I’m sure Carla would trade her superbowl tickets for a chance at this trip. This scenario is SCREAMING spin off, or at least prime time special.

Let us pray for this in the future.

Top Chef Recap episode 20384240million

Let me start this post with the things I liked about last night, since I was oh so negative last week about this dear show that I do, actually, love quite a little bit.

OK first: I love this gal:

hoodiehoo!

GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL, I am so happy she finally won one! Now when she gets kicked off next week, we don’t have to feel so bad about her sticking around and never winning. Plus: she is just so fun.  A little stupid, but so damn fun. Gotta love her enthusiasm.  Also my friend Emma’s friend wrote Carla an email asking if she could take her out for a drink, and Carla said YES! Gotta love that. Last but not least, I’m glad she beat Andrew, never liked him much.

2: Andie pointed out that the show did a GREAT job last night of playing down Toby PooPooPants’ involvement with the judging. Dear  Top Chef Producers, GREAT JOB! Thank you for getting it. Toby, we no likey. The less of him the better!

3, and this is a big one, the challenge last night was great. I loved the game with the points, love playing against the “All-Stars” (although I would hardly call that sorry pack of Top Chef losers All-Stars. Miguel and Nicki, come on. Seriously?) loved the audience participation and seeing little old Ariane in the audience wearing what seemed like a huge purple Jersey dress with no pants clapping and showing off her killer legs, LOVED IT ALL. Great. Challenge!

4. Just have to mention that  Fabio said “I want to honor the Wisconsin Green Bay,” and I got a kick out of that. I have a soft, cheesy place in my heart for Wisconsin.

Now, for what I didn’t like.

1 – the guest judge: too mean. I hate mean guest judges. Unless you are Anthony Bourdain, you must play nice. It is a privilege to go on this show; it’ll get you a lot of business. Don’t push it.

2 – the oats. ENOUGH with the product placement already, Top Chef, Jesus God! I am already pulling Gladware out of my ass, I don’t need oatmeal up there too.

3-Stefan – I can’t BELIEVE you got FIRST pick and, rightly so, you picked the Dallas Cowboys, the best football team of all time, and you had to use Texas style cuisine, made of what are arguably the best ingredients of all time, and you made TWO SALADS?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?! I am disgusted: truly and horribly disgusted. And while we’re at it: when people think of San Fransisco they think of Sourdough Bread? And the contestants who had Green Bay weren’t given any bratwurst to grill???? Who made these regional baskets?

I think the right person went home last night, but I sure was sad for Jeff who said his disappointment in losing would probably last around, oh I don’t know, A DECADE. That is too long, hunny. This is reality TV, not the Pulitzer. Get up, make yourself an omelet, and move on. For all of us.

Martha, Natasha and Padma, OH MY!

Well, last night’s episode of Top Chef did NOT dissapoint, and hopefully neither will our hilarious musings below. ENJOY!

 

 

Allie: So, we’ve begun

Andie: Haha the Euros are funny

Allie: I know, I love them

            Did you look at the pictures I posed about, the ones on Amuse-biatch with their wives/girlfriends?

Andie: no! I’ll look tomorrow

Allie: Aww, Hosea is such a nice Jewish boy is calling to check on his father!

Andie: I know! He has cancer L

Allie: this is sad!

Allie: Look at this Christmas set up

            Where are the dreidels?

            Seriously?

            How is this a “holiday” party with no decorations other than     Christmas ones?

     WHERE ARE THE FREAKIN DREIDELS??

Andie: Martha doesn’t do Jews?

Allie: Padma is wearing a sweater

            That means its winter now.

Andie: No, its still summer

            They just want it to feel like its winter atmosphere!

Allie:   Right, that’s what I meant

Andie: MARTHA!!!!!!!!!

Allie: MARTHA

           TOP CHEF GODDESS

Andie: Carla’s face!

Allie: CARLA

            I’ve been waiting all season for that face

            What what! Jersey pride, I love Ariane.

Andie: yeah except she claims Connecticut, not NJ

Allie:  Ya, she’s a bad ass b/c she went to prison

            Are we pretending that didn’t happen?

 Andie: yes

Allie: Why does Martha get to act like she didn’t go to prison?

 Andie: 45 minutes for a one pot? Casserole!

 Allie: I know

            My first thought was a winter stew, but that would take too long

Allie: You have to let stew…stew

Andie: Kale! I made Kale for dinner!

Andie: back on team Jamie

            oooh Paella could be dangerous, Hosea

 Allie: Paella will be d’lish

            It’s just the Quickfire

           They can afford to take a risk. Quickfire is when they should take risks b/c if you don’t win its like, “oh well”.

 Andie: This is true

Andie: Ariane and Jamie? I would never have put that pairing together.

Allie: wow, that’s a great duo

            I would have never thought.

            Ugh

            Jamie

            So arrogant!

Andie: I made polenta tonight too!

            Seriously, this Quickfire is my dinner!

Allie: no way!

Andie: in bits and pieces

Allie: that’s so weird

            What did you make?

 Andie: kale chicken and mushrooms over polenta

 Allie: mmmm!

            I’m loving this one pot!

 Andie: uh oh, Eugene’s doing stew!

            dum dum dummmm!

Allie: I love comfort food

Andie: let’s see if your prediction comes true

            I know me too!

            Where’s the Mac n cheese?!?

Andie: is that an X-MAS food?

Allie: that’s not all in one pot

            Mac and Cheese, you gotta make rue.

            Ya, Martha’s a tough woman because she went to PRISON

Andie: the Jew clearly knows nothing

Allie: Seriously

            Great judge

            Great guest judge

Andie: best guest judge ever!

            Actually

            I take it back

Allie: but we’re all pretending like she didn’t go to prison

Andie: Anthony bourdon is the best judges ever

Allie: yes he is

Andie: obvi

Allie: but Martha

            Ok

            Why

             Did she get to go to prison, come right back, and we let her go RIGHT back to her normal life!?

Andie: I wonder what she was like in prison.

            She didn’t go RIGHT back

Allie: it’s like she went to a prolonged spa vacation

Andie: she got roasted for a looong time

Allie: I mean…

Andie: but she had enough money to get herself back into the game

Allie: but if she had to go to ACTUAL prison

            Like

            If prison was equal for the rich and the poor

            Can you imagine what she’d be like now?

             I hope that neither you nor I ever have to go to prison.

            That’s what I’m wishing you for Hanukah, Andie.

Andie thanks Allie; I was really concerned I was going to prison this year

Allie: You never know

Andie: speaking of, I think I’m going to bake cookies for a Hanukkah party this weekend, in Chappaqua

Andie: good idea?

Allie: what kind

            Well…

Andie: I’ll send the recipe tomorrow remind me

            Chocolate Chippy Carmel things

            Its baackkk!

Allie: my roomies and me made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with toffee and dried cherries for our landlord and she loved them.

Andie: whoa, Martha was pissy to Eugene!

Allie: And now she smiles at me

Andie:  “you thickened it WITH????”

            Aw Martha <3s Stefan

Allie: that Paella looks amazing. Paella is so delicious

Andie: mmmmmm, Hosea is my favorite right now in the series

            Now that I said that he’ll go home

Allie: he better not because he’s on my fantasy team

Andie: Potato Risotto? interesting….

Allie: I can’t wait to see Fabio and Martha

            “Pungent”

Andie: OMG, I hope he woos her

Allie: you don’t want Martha to say “pungent”

            JERSEY

            JERSEY JERSY

            Ariane stumped Martha!

Andie: Jersey girls got along

Allie: ARIANE !

            SHE’S SO AWEMOE

            I love her

            I officially love her

            If she’s ok for Martha, she’s ok for me

Allie: Martha pronouciates her words so well

Andie: I know

Allie: PO-TAY-TO-RIS-SO-TO

Allie: Eugene’s gonna FIGHT!

Andie: where is her jersey accent?!

Allie: Martha vs. Eugene

Andie: “housewives” – is that an offensive word?

Allie: who wins in a bitch-fight?

Andie: Martha DOES NOT like Fabio!

            Martha wins def

Andie: she went to PRISON

Allie: hahahaha, Fabio’s vein

Andie: haha “my grandmother would be so ashamed of you”

Allie: Fabio’s grandma vs. Martha

          Who wins?

           In a bitch fight?

Andie: Fabio’s g-ma!!!!

Allie: Fabio’s g-ma WTF!!

Andie: those Italians are feisty!

            Dude, Ariane AGAIN?!?

Allie: ARIANEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Andie: hahahaah

Allie: SHE’S SO AMAZING

Andie: I’m proud of her

             Comeback kid!

            “Pleased Martha” – that is winning in itself

            And Ariane is the one who will actually use that book you know?

Allie: totally

Andie: I don’t think the other actually cook at home

Allie: not for kids

             Wait

            I just missed the challenge

            Elves?

            Who are they?

            Family?

            Oooo!!!

Andie: are you kidding?!?!

Allie: WTF?

            What is going on?

            They’re so confused

             “Strong voices” is Bravo’s nice way of saying “black voices”

Allie: Carla is having a huge celebrity sighting day

Andie: they’re besties

Allie: challenge is:

            Cook food for black people

Andie: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Allie: oh god

Andie: I LOVE THIS!

Allie: Is the choir going to sing every time someone picks a knife?

Andie: yesss

Allie: what is going on?!?!?

           This is ridiculous

Andie: What, no, “FIIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINGS”?

            That’s the best part!

Allie: Ya!!

            That is the best part

Andie: Beaker; “my mind cannot compute”

Allie: I don’t get the challenge

            Can you explain it?

Andie: of course it can’t darling, you met Martha, and you saw the Harlem gospel choir

         Yes, you need to create a dish around your verse

          So, 12 drummers drumming can be little drumsticks done fancy

          Or skewers

          Or FIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINGS could be some sort of ringed food

Allie: got it!

            The Real Housewives are so incredibly awful

            Aww, that singing was so cute! I loved that

Andie: our Whole Foods!

Allie: We saw Padma there!

         Carla has no boobs

          Like none

Andie: Ok I like that – pipers piping = smoking something

Allie: Ya

   That sounds good

   Jeff isn’t horrible

   He’s just like

   Down on himself

   Bad attitude

   Leah’s all about the one bite

Andie: yeah he needs a spirit lifter

    ahhhh the infamous deviled eggs from the promo

Allie: I love that Ariane drops her Gs

Andie: ARIANE!

Allie: uh oh, Scallops!

Andie: Why uh oh?

Andie: yeah

  Deviled eggs though…..

  I know we saw in the previews tom was mad but still – who make those on top chef?

Allie: wait who’s making deviled eggs?

Andie: Arianne

  !!!!

  “Geese a layin’”

Allie: oh no!

Allie: ok, what is with that watermelon, seriously?

Andie: we were just commenting on that!

  No clue

  Stefan’s work

Allie: Their New York apt. is nice than any other apt. they’ve had before

Andie: oh no….THE FRIDGE

Allie: horrible!

   They need to all band together

   And make one big meal

Andie: looks like they are trying to…

Allie: Rhadika better pull it out

  OMG, those are my two teammates!

Allie: THEYRE BOTH ON MY TEAM

   It’s so nice that everyone is helping

Andie: yeah

Allie: but see

  This is what I’m talking about

  They all work together so well

Andie: and I bet the crew people knew the fridge wasn’t closed and couldn’t tell them

Allie: It’s not a competition

  But it’s very Christmassy

  But they’re going to flip out if one of the people who got help wins

Andie: this is why I love this show – it’s a competition but they work in a kitchen with other chefs    and this is what they do on a daily basis

Allie: its never been like this before

  This is the first season

  That was touching though

  All so touching

Andie: no this is the first time its been this nice and wonderful

  A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

  Fabio is going to win this little phone quiz like 99 to 1.

“Who do you want to go under the mistletoe with?”

Andie: Michelle Bernstein!!!

Allie: she’s awful

Andie: why isn’t Hosea on that quiz?

Andie: No, Michelle Bernstein is not awful

Allie: Hosea isn’t that cute

Andie: I like him

  I mean, no Harold season 1

Allie: hello

  SAM

  TALBOT

  All I got to say

  Don’t even talk Harold to me

  When there’s Sam

Andie: you’re right, Sam wins

     But Harold was the first gorgeous top chef

  I want to go to Perilla!

Allie: me2

Andie: holiday special next week!

  You’ll be in Mexico

Allie: oh no

  I’ll see it though

  Ok

  I hope the food is good

Andie: me too

  Haha Stefan called that Natasha Richardson “yum”

Allie: the voice is what Fabio likes?

  What about the BOD?

  She’s so hot!

  This is an anti-AIDs commercial

Andie: yeah she is

  Ha it’s like July and they are having a staged Christmas party so funny

Allie:  we just watched a commercial for Natasha Richardson’s foundation without knowing it

Allie:  I hope Rhadika wins

  How does Carla know what Kenneth Cole looks like?

Andie: no idea

Allie: gene is gonna get fucked

Andie: yeah too sweet

  Damnit, Eugene!

Allie: o Jamie, big bad

Andie: raw scallops? That’s what they said?

Allie: YES

  Where’s Gail?

Andie: gone!

  Getting married

  I wish Martha was still here

Allie: I know! Where is Martha?

Andie: beets – I like beets

Allie: I don’t know if I’ve ever had one

Andie: and that cheese (so does Brian – he just showed up)

  I did for the firs time a few weeks ago

Allie: these New York women are upfront

  Just trying to get on TV

Andie: yeah

  Socialite!

Allie: Padma’s hair looks great like that

Allie: where the eff is Gail?

  Oh you know what

  Honeymoon

Andie: yeah

  Wedding things

Allie: ugh

  bumster

Andie: not for her

  She’s honeymooning!

Allie:  long honeymoon

Andie: Well, she had the wedding.

Allie: the shower isn’t right before the wedding, is it?

Andie: I don’t know. I’m sure that wasn’t her real shower.

  I hope it wasn’t

Allie: really hope it wasn’t.

Andie: I’m sure it wasn’t

  Ok, my friend Matthew predicted Eugene to go home

Allie: Ya, he’s due

Andie: yeah

  But they are going to rip into Ariane

Allie: nah

  I like that more than two people are winning these challenges

Andie: yeah I hope so

Allie: not like last season

  You know

  Ok my whole fantasy team is in the top right now!!!!

  I rule

Andie: Yeahhhh, Allie!

Allie: I just said that aloud

  “I rule”

Andie: haha

  Of course you did

  RAD FOR TEH WINS?!?!

Allie: I’m going to get so many points tonight

  That’s who I predicted

Andie: even better!

Allie: NICE

  WHEATEVR

Andie: I like Hosea

Allie: HOSEA

  Oh, Ariane slid by

Andie: yeah she did

Allie: haha

Andie: I’m surprised

Allie: and Carla

  Me too

  The judges are so stern!!

  Jamie has such a dominant stance

  She’s so ridiculous

Andie: yeah she does

  Doesn’t take criticism well

Allie: she’s like Lisa

Andie: yeah but I like her more than Lisa

  Lisa was – I don’t know – awful

Allie: every time she moves her head they make that swishy noise

That is a lot of cheese

Andie: yeah

  So did Jeff though – blue cheese is a pretty strong cheese

  People either love it or hate it

  Jeff’s cheese must have been milder.

Allie: gene looks like he’s going to flip out

Andie: he’s pretty darn close

  Wow Michelle Bernstein doesn’t take crap from anyone!!!

  She’s a New York woman

  Fighter!

Andie: yeah she is

Allie: could Jamie go?

  No

  It’s Gene

Andie: totally Gene

  Maybe Melissa – but I still think gene

Allie: could be either

 Wow

Andie: wait are they mad at all the chefs?!

Allie: woaw

  They really are

Andie: THEY ARE!

  I would be so scared if daddy Tom gave me a talking to

  Roomie just had an interesting thought – maybe they won’t send anyone home

  They’ve done it before

Allie: I hope that doesn’t happen

Andie: just a thought

  Putting it out there

Allie: too confusing

Andie: ha

Allie: I don’t like these super sized episodes

  I need to go to bed!

Andie: LOL Tommmm

Andie: Leah, don’t talk back to daddy tom!

Allie: wa wa

  These are grown ups!

  WOW

Andie: TOLD YOU!!!!!!!

Allie: WOW

  You called it

  No one going home!

Andie: technically, Molly called it

  She wants a shoutout

Allie: lol

  Ok

Andie: annnnd the end

Allie: very good

Andie: OMG next challenge rocks!

Allie: THIS IS TOP CHEF THIS IS NOT TOP SCALOPS

Andie: HAHAHA

Allie: WOAW

  Two men on the judges table

Andie: i know!

Allie: wow

Andie: beaker’s reaction?

Allie: ok bed time

Andie: PRICELESS

  Ditto

  Love you

  Talk tomorrow

A few Holiday gifts for you

As the holidays (and my Mexico vacation) near, I thought I would REGAIL you, blog readers, with some of my favorite Top Chef  bits from the web this week.

1) BRAVOTV.COM

The Top Chef page on Bravotv.com has an amazing amount of distracting crap to keep you procrastinating on those spreadsheets for your boss until well past your lunch hour. There’s the fantasy game (which I’ll comment more on below), the judge’s blogs (Gail this week) and the restaurant finder (great for New Yorkers with a little disposable income still available) with great suggestions by chef’s such as Wylie Dufrense, of WD-50 fame, and past Top Chef contestants.

2) Amuse-biatch.com

Amuse-biatch is mostly ok, but I’ll be DAMNED if I wasn’t blown away by the Top Chef contestant’s wives photos they’ve posted this week. Seriously, these men, Jeff, Hosea, Fabio, etc., have got some hot babe spouses. MILFs, if you will.  Check it out. It will rock you.

So, the big show is tonight and, of course, on my mind right now is my fantasy team. If you’ll remember, I rocked it last week with Stefan, Jamie and Hosea (I said Leah, but the website didn’t change my pick, so it was actually Hosea). But, despite my success, I think I’m gonna make one change this week.

The person I’m swapping? Jamie. Bitch, I can’t  STAND that bitch. I hate what a whiny sore loser she was last week. Honey, you’re not that surprised you haven’t been winning, you’re bitching about it because you know, deep down, that its no one’s fault but your own. Problem is: all you make is soup! Its pretty, yes, and tasty, probably, but honey, carrot puree isn’t gonna get you nowhere. Sorry.

Now, the know the argument has been made here on this blog’s comments that Jamie made the marinade for Ariane’s lamb last week and therefore should have won. Well, you know people, this isn’t TOP MARINADER, it’s TOP CHEF, and as we’ve learned many times, you have to COOK to win, and Jamie didn’t cook that lamb. Ariane did. Anyone with a tongue can put together a marinade that tastes good, but not just anybody can cook a piece of meat really nicely (yours truly included in that group, there). AND, Jamie didn’t even come up with the flavors in the marinade, RHADIKA DID! It was Indian food, Rhadi style! Jamie may have had the idea of saying, “oh, Indian food is NEW because its NEW to me,” but that doesn’t mean she created the flavors on the menu or cooked ANYTHING, which is why I’m trading her this week foooooooooooooooor…

 

Rhadika!

Yay! This girl has grown on me. Not only can she cook (she’s won a quickfire and an elimination challenge) but she’s got a quiet confidence about her which should not be overlooked. I think she’s gonna rock it this week. GO RHADI

Check back manana for some good ole fashion Top Chef post hashin.

Cheers!

-Allie

“The Proof is in the Pudding, and her Pudding SUCKED”

 

UGH. Winter is upon as and its SCREWING with my sleep cycle! I’m exhausted today and totally not in the mood to blog. So here’s all I have to give about last night’s Top Chef, a subpar episode in my opinion. Those chefs in the bottom (ie: Leah, Fabio and Melissa) really could have done better. I’m dissapointed. And Ariane winning AGAIN? What is going on here?

Anyway, here are my notes. Leave yours in the comments and tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep, we’ll discuss.

 

 

QUICKFIRE:

 

Oh, I just saw Jeff’s *wink* in the credits for the first time and it is truly awful.

 

Ariane is cleaning like a mommy; she’s growing on me.

 

Stefan is giving Jamie love tokens! This is weird and exciting.

 

OH THE PALATE TEST! Love this –great palates are so important, or, you know, so I’ve heard.

 

Steafan’s crush on Jamie makes me like him a lot more

 

This version of the palate test is so confusing! Why are they doing it like this?This is a guys game … is it like name that tune? WHY ARE THERE BRACKETS? I hate this.

 

Salt, pepper, and olive oil: I can’t beleive those were Stefan’s guesses. I suppose its a smart way to play the game, but come on, that’s lame.

 

Melissa is like a seven year old tom boy in that sideways green hat. Who is she?

 

Wow, all the chefs are hating on Stefan. They just hate him because he’s good

 

Oh no!!! none of my people won that takes away 3 points from my Fantasy team!

 

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE: 

Gail seriously has 40 close female friends? I don’t think I know 40 females I can even be in a room with. Cooking for a bunch of Food & Wine women is a big deal though. This is a big challenge for them.

 

My friend Sophie and I had an interesting discussion: The way you really win on this show is by using ingredients that are maliable so that they’ll taste good even if you fuck them up. Like, if the core of your dish is something really yummy, like bacon something with a cream sauce, for example, then no matter how you cook it, it’ll be good, and you’ll get through. Gene’s icky sticky rice brought this up; We’ve seen enough people fuck up rice to know that it obviously take some finesse correctly prepare. If you’re in the Top Chef kitchen, and you’re all worked up and nervous, don’t make something that only requires special attention. Use easy, yummy ingredients! 

 

There are so many contestants that you can’t understand on this season! Gene, Danny, Fabio…they are so CONFUSING! I have no idea what any of them are saying. From the look of it, Tom doesn’t either.

 

Why would Gene make a kind of sushi he’s never made before? All he does is make sushi! Why not make one you know is good?

 

Gail’s party looks like sorority fun. Maxine said, “this doesn’t look like any fun to me,” and I agree. We decided that a good bridal shower needs a lot fewer ladies and a lot more alcohol.

 

The girls, I love the girls on this season. They’re fun just sitting around the table talking about food. They’re like a team. Ultimately I dont think it’ll be good for them, though. They need to have an edge to get to the top. No one ever won this show by not looking out for number one.

 

Fabio looks beautiful in his wedding photo, good lord! And his wife is GORGEOUS!

 

“We hate Jeff, but he organizes the shit out of these people”– Maxine, most brilliant roommate

 

Did Danny just say “spooge”? I’m having a hard time keeping from calling him “Howie” ala Howie from season 3.

 

Carla, Gene and Danny are a wacky team! Muppet trio!

 

Deconstructed sushi rolls: Hardest.food.to.eat.ever.

 

He didn’t mention how to do the roll???? THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT. OMG, get this guy OUTTAHERE!!

 

Jamie’s food always has a lot of good color. But carrott puree, i’m not really that impressed. sorry, but I dont think she’s justified living at the level of uppitiness where she’s currently residing 

 

Everone is helping. This is like a restaurant kitchen, not like a competition. What are these people thinking? WHERE’S THE FIGHTING? This is not what reality TV is about.

 

Oh lord, Fabio is talking to the women. HAHA! A ladie’s man with an accent, love it!

 

These women are eating it up, I’ve never seen such an interactive audience

 

Ugh did gail just say, “I CAN’T WAIT TO GET MARRIED!!!” and then clink her glass with another lady ?????????

THAT MAKES ME HATE HORE MORE THAN A LITTLE BIT. Love that dress, though. Great, great dress.

 

Padma is not allowed to be so beautiful, it is not fair

 

JUDGES TABLE:

 

Yes, either Jamie or stefan’s team will win. This is GREAT for my fantasy team.

 

I think I was wrong about Ariane. She’s not that wishy washy. I like her fierce side. She’s a fierce MILF. 

 

Wooooooooooooow Ariane won?! WOW. I am shocked

 

Jamie has such an ego!

 
I love when Tom gets disgusted. Its the hilight of every episode. He says a million words with that sneer, none of them complimentary.

 

Did Gene just spread his ass cheeks? Gene is too weird.

 

Goodbye, Howie. I’m glad you got eliminated so you could go on to make the following lolzy remarks on NYMag.com:

 

While you were there, did you ever feel outmaneuvered by the experience of the older contestants?
I saw the other contestants as actually a little less talented than I was. Ariane — I always resort back to Ariane, when she was like “Move over, little kids, here comes the older woman” — Get outta here. The judges spit your food out into a napkin. You should have been eliminated. It’s ridiculous that she’s still on the show.

She’s been winning challenges. What do you think about that?
I think it’s a bunch of malarkey. I can’t take away what people did, and I can’t go on from the past and change things, but the proof’s in the pudding — and her pudding sucked. Her pudding got spit out into a napkin, and people will always remember that.

Are Stefan and Fabio as annoying as they appear to be on the show?
Yeah. These guys are really, really annoying. There’s been multiple cases when I wanted to just throw them off the balcony. But unfortunately, I wasn’t allowed to touch the contestants. They’re very cocky. They think Americans suck, which pissed me off because I’m an American, and you’re in my backyard here. So watch where you go.

HAHAHHAHAHAH! I hate that guy, but that pudding remark is the funniest thing I’ve heard all week.

leave comments, bbs!

-Allie