Welcome back to my brain, after a long, LONG hiatus. I know I’ve been M.I.A. recently, but you must know that in the past month I’ve: spent WAY too much money on Holiday gifts, gone to Mexico, gotten sick in Mexico, celebrated New Years Eve, recovered from said celebration, planned my move out of my apartment (includes finding a subletter), entertained visitors, celebrated ANDIE’S 25TH BIRTHDAY, traveled to DC, and attended an Inaugural Ball…SO I’VE BEEN A LITTLE BUSY! So cut the shit everybody, here I am, OK!?!?
Lets go back to the begining of my hiatus: the holidays. I want to quickly mention two FABULOUS gifts I received for Hanukah – both lovely and both Top Chef related
1) this AMAZING cookbook given to me by my darling, wonderful roommate:
2) This gorgeous, classy T-shirt given to me by a certain bird of the culinary persuasion with the initials A.L.D.:
Amaaaaazing! Let me mention that I was also given a knife, a cutting board and 3 cookbooks from various family members. Seems I’ve created quite a niche for myself, no?
Alright, moving on. Let’s talk Top Chef.
I know neither Andie nor I have posted about the past two episodes and, while I can’t speak for Andie, I’m going to give my reason right now:
THIS SEASON SUCKS!!!
I really REALLY don’t like this season of Top Chef and – basically – I’m done with it. I’m going to keep watching, but I can’t gain any enthusiasm for this show right now for a few reasons.
1) The balance is all off
Here are a two people I like: Gail Simmons and Ted Allen
Here is one person I don’t like: TOBY YOUNG!!!!!!!!
ugh
Are you really going to make me explain why this guy sucks? Ok – fine. He uses terrible analogies. He’s ugly. He’s NOT GAIL OR TED ALLEN. Honestly sweety, there’s a reason why the movie based on your shit book bombed: YOU SUCK!
Toby Young throws the balance all off. Now we have only one woman and two angry bald men at Judges Table and it doesn’t work. It doesn’t and you know it doesn’t. He’s not entertaining or funny or nice to look at or cute or an expert on anything culinary. He was a bad move by the Bravo producers, a seriously bad move. I have to agree with Carla here, “GAIL? GAIL? WHERE’S GAIL!?!??!?!?”
Alright 2) There is STILL no drama this season
Remember Toby’s first episode (or as I like to call it, “Terror on Bravo – Part 1) where they made the chef’s judge eachothers’ food while the other chefs in the kitchen got to watch? On past seasons, that would have resulted in a lot of yelling in the TV an out (aka: the Cheftestants yelling at eachother and me yellign at the TV) but this season: NOTHING, because no matter what the producers do to manufacture drama, it doesn’t work. This season’s chefs are no fun. The whole TV escapade resulting in nothing but Melissa going, “Hmm, ya, maybe I should be a better Chef. Ok I’ll work on that.” What? NOT FUN!
As much as you might have hated them, characters like last season’s Lisa and Spike are who keep you watching the show. The closest thing we have to a villain on this season is Stefan, who I forgive every step of the way because he’s the only one consistently cooking good food! Say what you want about how annoying someone like Spike from Season 4 was but you know he kept you entertained, and, as you can see in the post below, he can actually cook unlike SOME people who are still on the show for some unexplainable reason. And that brings me to my final point that I’ve kind of gotten at already …
3) None of the Cheftestants deserve to be Top Chef
Lets list them off: Harold, Ilan, Hung and Stephanie. All amazing chefs, incredibly skilled, inventive and solid. Is there anyone – ANYONE – on this season that you would put up there with them? Lets even list these people off: Tiffany, Marcel, Casey and Richard – all 2nd place (3rd in the case of Casey but that was a fluke and I refuse to put Dale above her) cheftestants who VERY definitely could have won. Would you put any of the chefs on Season 5 at even their level? Maybe someone can make an argument for Stefan, maybe even Jamie, but just gets to my point that there’s no surprise here. The obvious best chefs on this season will make it to the top and I feel like we’re just biding our time here. No matter who wins, I won’t care because these chefs have done nothing on this season to convince me that they’re aren’t the bottom of the Top Chef barrel. If this is how it’s going to be from now on, I’m going to have to switch to Chopped.
So there it is. I’ve spewed all my feelings and now feel free to judge. Of course I’ll be watching Restaurant Wars tonight, but unless someone catches fire and/or throws up on another cheftestant I’m not promising a blog tomorrow!
Oh, and let me just say, on one last note, RIP Ariane – I love you so much. You’ll be missed!
