WORST. FINALE. EVER!!!

Wow….247 people have already checked this blog for our reaction to last night’s Top Chef, and its not even 10am! I guess you really care what we have to say. That, or you’re just as PISSED as we are and you’re looking for a place to vent. Either way, I think we all agree that the only possible reaction to last night’s Top Chef is: WHAT THE FUCK!?!??!

Never in my life have I been so unhappy at a Final episode of a series.  NEVER. Even the Sopranos ended better than this. My trust/love/respect for this show is shot to hell, truly. It’s been nearly 12 hours and I’m still angry. Mother Trucker!

Oh, you mean some of you don’t know? Ok: The idiot gap toothed baldie bear jerk , with the help of  Top Chef Season 4’s far superior Richard Blais, beat Carla and Stefan for the title.  The judges loved his venison…they loved his red snapper app…they thought his only mistake was serving meat instead of a sweet for his final course, but they loved the damn meat, so they forgave it! And Carla totally bombed. And Stefan shot himself in the foot with this dessert Padma so hilariously described as “Pedestrian at best.” HA! The one bright spot in the show, for me anyway. Padma is so stupid. Anyway…

It just kills me how Casey, Carla’s sous chef, came back and, in her one chance to redeem herself from her shotty showing at her own Top Chef Finale episode in season 3, she COMPLETELY recreated the exact scenario she was in 2 years ago: a strong contender who coulda gone all the way doesn’t cook what she knows how to cook and she ends up in a distant 3rd. So sad.

What killed me is how upset she was.  Carla – what did you learn when cooking for Wylie Dufrense? Jacques Pepin? Freakin  ERIC RIPERt? You succeed when you cook your food!! C’mon, there’s no Love in Sous Vide meat! You don’t do sous Vide meat! And why would you not make a tart!? The judges LOVE your tarts! Seriously Carla: I am so dissapointed.

But you know what? We still love you, HOOTIE – FOREVER! And I’m putting my money on Carla being Fan Favorite next week at the reunion. Screw Fabio. Yes – I said that.

It really sucks that the judges based their final decision on one meal instead of the competition as a whole (especially since they so obviously gave Stefan a pass in order for him to get into the finals) but that’s the TC policy since day one, weather we like it or not, and that’s why this guy is now “Top Chef,”

And why I have to go barf now.

Please comment and share your angry rants with us. We need to bond together in times like this. Its not healthy to go through these tough moments alone. To quote Harvey Milk, “I KNOW YOU’RE ANGRY! I’M ANGRY!!!!!” Let us heal together. In the comments.

This is not a Butt Rubbing Contest!

A day late, but if you still care I have a few things to say about Wednesday’s Top Chef:

eh hem:

IT ROCKED!

Now, saying that something “rocked” is NOT something I would do normally, but I was so impressed by this weeks TC, that I gotta pull out what is arguably the most embarrassing phrase of all time to explain how much I liked it. I watched it TWICE it was so good!  DAMN! Ok, lets get started.

First – a set change: New Orleans. Top Chef + New Orleans = BRILLIANCE, why did we never think of this before? Is there a more culinarily exciting city in the U.S.? NO! Anyone who has ever eaten a shrimp po-boy from Brother’s, a restaurant so old school it has no website, will agree. DAMN! I looooooooooooooooooooooooooove me some Cajun soul food. New York, you’ve got some amazing restaurants, but I’ll take Jambalaya over $15 Pork Bun any day.

Plus: New Orleans has so much life, It was practically jumping off the screen at me. I love any challenge where catering and large groups of local people are involved. You can always tell the most successful chefs by the opinion of the real people eating their food, particularly when local cuisine is on the menu. But I’m getting ahead of myself, back to the beginning.

The show started off with a great Quickfire, guest-judged by none other than Mr. Nawlins himself, Emeril Lagasse:

BLAM! I mean, BAM!

What a fun dude. I’ve never been much for his show on the Food Network, but he really won me over on this Top Chef episode. He was comfortable, kind and fun to watch. GREAT guest judge, and the first Food Network star, I might mention, to grace our little Bravo show. Martha Stewart and Emeril Lagasse in one season? That’s huge! Who’s next, Paula Dean? Rachael Ray? 30 minute meal quickfire? The possibilities are endless!

OK: so we all should have seen it coming that the last 3 eliminated contestants would be back, but I did not, and I was excited to see only one of them: Jeff, the winking cutiepie:

I felt so bad when he got kicked off and he was like, “I’ll probably be sad about this for at least 10 years,” so it was nice to see him come back and redeem himself. He deserved it too, unlike Jamie and Leah, at who I would have been annoyed if they’d made it back into the running.

So the 5 new finalists go to a fancy dinner and then they get their challenge: catering! I LOVE catering, and so do Stefan and Carla who had an obvious advantage seeing as they’re both PROFESSIONAL CATERERS. Not to be outdone, I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by Hosea, who really seemed to have done his homework before coming to New Orleans. Dude studied up on Cajun/Creole cuisine, which was SMART. As much as I hate to say it, I gott have respect….damnit.

I was underwhelmed last night by Fabio and the magic fauxhawk who made Pasta, AGAIN. I know you’re italian, but come on:

Oh, AMAZING bit of info from Fabio’s exit interview on endlesssimmer.com:

What are you up to now?
I’m getting a lot of offers, being asked to do TV shows, license my image on a line of cooking products, so all kinds of things. I hope you liked my face, because unfortunately, you’re going to be seeing a lot of it.

Another TV show! Tell us more.
Aaah, I can’t say yet, but let me just say – Watch What Happens.

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! FABIO’S COMING TO BRAVO, FULL TIME! Damn, if you didn’t see that coming, you are dumb as hell, or you seriously don’t watch enough TV. But, YAY!! Can’t wait for that shit. You can read the rest of his silly interview here.

Moving on:

All the food the chef’s made last night looked AMAZING: gumbo, corn cakes, cheesy grits and cocktails? Sign me up! But I must say that, as much as I would have liked for Jeff to stay on, Carla’s meal really took the cake.

I mean, girl made deep friend sausage-shrimp balls. What could really be better (and less kosher) than that? NOTHING! Could she really take it all next week?? I dunno!

OH FORGOT TO MENTION: GAIL WAS BACK! yay! Love her! The judges were so much more together with Gail there. Without her, Tom was the only regular judge with any really legitimate things to say about the food. Now we have the Gail and Tom dynamic, which I happen to love, and which seems to shut up Padma (who all the contestants seem to hate, btw) and that’s a good thing.

All in all: I’m happy. I’m exciting. I can’t wait. The finale, the reunion, its gonna be good shit. I’m glad this season is ending with a bang. God now’s my broke ass needs it.

BAM!

Top 5 Smackdown

I have basically nothing to say about last night’s Top Chef. Well, nothing too snarky, anyway. I though it was a fantastic episode from start to finish. I loved the quickfire, especially the always deliciously nerdy Wylie Dufrense, in whose restaurant Ben and I celebrated our one year anniversary with Popcorn Soup, Waygu skirt steak, and foie gras. It was certainly the most uniquely yummy meal I’ve ever had, and I’ll never forget how nicely the staff treated us. I’m always happy to be properly waited on, particularly in New York. But I digress…

I also loved the Elimination Challenge: it was FABULOUS. It gave the chefs the chance to just cook something and cook it well. Plus, we at home got to play our own, “What would your last meal be?” game. Mine: Tex-Mex. Easy, no question. Chips and  fresh salsa, guacamole, tamales, rice and beans, I’m happy. That, or pepperoni pizza. And Mac&Cheese. Damn! Other picks I heard: fillet Mignon, ribs, and biscuits & sausage gravy. mmmmmmm

The standout last night, and for the past couple of nights was, OBVIOUSLY, Carla. 

First she made a great looking take on “Green Eggs & Ham”, and then she rocked the Elimination Challenge with Squab and Peas…of all things! Is she fantastic or what?

I heard a bit of dissension from my Top Chef crew last night about Carla’s abilities, credentials and whether she really deserves to be in the top 4, but ultimately I think she does, and here’s why: she’s learned. Carla had all these problems stemming from her inability to focus and her tendency to do too much, but she learned, and she fixed them! She realized, “this isn’t working,” so she went another direction: good, simple, great tasting food, and guess what? It hits the mark every time!

 

I hate when the cheftestants, like Hosea, make all this fuss about “Do I go all out? Do I go traditional? Hows my facial hair?” etc. Look, its not what you do that matters, its HOW you do it, and if you don’t get that by now, then you are going to lose. Make. good. food. that’s it.

Another stand out last night: my lover Fabio who, with total class and stick-to-it-iveness, made a whole meal with only 9 fingers, and he didn’t even flaunt his handi-capability to the table of Chefs when he introduced his dish. Now THAT takes restraint, seriously!! Bravo, Fabio! You deserve 2 of those HUGE bottles of wine.

Total shit-shows: Leah, Hosea and Padma. Leah, Hosea: go away. I’m so glad Leah finally went home, it only would have been better if she’d taken Hosea with her. Hosea – you suck. You think Stefan is your only competition and I predict that that will be your undoing. And Padma, were you um… cold?

YOWZA!

And maybe…um…STONED? C’mon! I get why you would partake of the herb before eating a HUGE delicious meal, but on on TV, Padma! Kids watch this show!

Best Padma line of the night: “Your two kinds of Spinach tasted like one kind of Spinach.” THANKS!

Anyway, I’m satisfied with the final four, and I’m excited to see what happens in New Orleans. Preview: GAIL RETURNS, Fabio expresses his new found love for the Sex Pistols, and Carla meets a hair straightener. GOOD TIMES! 

Poll:

Top Chef Deja Vu

Ohhhh Top Chef. We love you so much that we watch your cheesey holiday specials. Twice.

If you weren’t celebrating Santa’s arrival with your family Wednesday night – or you DVRed it for Christmas morning and weren’t opening presents – you may have caught the Top Chef Holiday special. It seemed a little off to me. Why were they in Chicago when this season was in New York? And why were there no Season 4 favorites competing? Where was Twitching Andrew and his boyfriend Spike?!

Something fishy…but this made me remember:

There IS a Santa!

Eric Ripert as Santa?!?! REPEAT! I was a little sad – and bored. I couldn’t remember who won but I remembered Stephen (and his suits – very Barney in How I Met Your Mother….but not as awesome) losing on the first round and the Josie-can’t-find-a-can-opener business. But I couldn’t remember who won. So I sat through it to find out.

To me, it was just not a great episode – Marcel irks me. And there just wasn’t enough CJ to get me through it. It’s getting me ready for the new episode in January – new judge!!! I’ll miss Gail – although not as much as Beaker apparently.

Happy Holidays!

Martha, Natasha and Padma, OH MY!

Well, last night’s episode of Top Chef did NOT dissapoint, and hopefully neither will our hilarious musings below. ENJOY!

 

 

Allie: So, we’ve begun

Andie: Haha the Euros are funny

Allie: I know, I love them

            Did you look at the pictures I posed about, the ones on Amuse-biatch with their wives/girlfriends?

Andie: no! I’ll look tomorrow

Allie: Aww, Hosea is such a nice Jewish boy is calling to check on his father!

Andie: I know! He has cancer L

Allie: this is sad!

Allie: Look at this Christmas set up

            Where are the dreidels?

            Seriously?

            How is this a “holiday” party with no decorations other than     Christmas ones?

     WHERE ARE THE FREAKIN DREIDELS??

Andie: Martha doesn’t do Jews?

Allie: Padma is wearing a sweater

            That means its winter now.

Andie: No, its still summer

            They just want it to feel like its winter atmosphere!

Allie:   Right, that’s what I meant

Andie: MARTHA!!!!!!!!!

Allie: MARTHA

           TOP CHEF GODDESS

Andie: Carla’s face!

Allie: CARLA

            I’ve been waiting all season for that face

            What what! Jersey pride, I love Ariane.

Andie: yeah except she claims Connecticut, not NJ

Allie:  Ya, she’s a bad ass b/c she went to prison

            Are we pretending that didn’t happen?

 Andie: yes

Allie: Why does Martha get to act like she didn’t go to prison?

 Andie: 45 minutes for a one pot? Casserole!

 Allie: I know

            My first thought was a winter stew, but that would take too long

Allie: You have to let stew…stew

Andie: Kale! I made Kale for dinner!

Andie: back on team Jamie

            oooh Paella could be dangerous, Hosea

 Allie: Paella will be d’lish

            It’s just the Quickfire

           They can afford to take a risk. Quickfire is when they should take risks b/c if you don’t win its like, “oh well”.

 Andie: This is true

Andie: Ariane and Jamie? I would never have put that pairing together.

Allie: wow, that’s a great duo

            I would have never thought.

            Ugh

            Jamie

            So arrogant!

Andie: I made polenta tonight too!

            Seriously, this Quickfire is my dinner!

Allie: no way!

Andie: in bits and pieces

Allie: that’s so weird

            What did you make?

 Andie: kale chicken and mushrooms over polenta

 Allie: mmmm!

            I’m loving this one pot!

 Andie: uh oh, Eugene’s doing stew!

            dum dum dummmm!

Allie: I love comfort food

Andie: let’s see if your prediction comes true

            I know me too!

            Where’s the Mac n cheese?!?

Andie: is that an X-MAS food?

Allie: that’s not all in one pot

            Mac and Cheese, you gotta make rue.

            Ya, Martha’s a tough woman because she went to PRISON

Andie: the Jew clearly knows nothing

Allie: Seriously

            Great judge

            Great guest judge

Andie: best guest judge ever!

            Actually

            I take it back

Allie: but we’re all pretending like she didn’t go to prison

Andie: Anthony bourdon is the best judges ever

Allie: yes he is

Andie: obvi

Allie: but Martha

            Ok

            Why

             Did she get to go to prison, come right back, and we let her go RIGHT back to her normal life!?

Andie: I wonder what she was like in prison.

            She didn’t go RIGHT back

Allie: it’s like she went to a prolonged spa vacation

Andie: she got roasted for a looong time

Allie: I mean…

Andie: but she had enough money to get herself back into the game

Allie: but if she had to go to ACTUAL prison

            Like

            If prison was equal for the rich and the poor

            Can you imagine what she’d be like now?

             I hope that neither you nor I ever have to go to prison.

            That’s what I’m wishing you for Hanukah, Andie.

Andie thanks Allie; I was really concerned I was going to prison this year

Allie: You never know

Andie: speaking of, I think I’m going to bake cookies for a Hanukkah party this weekend, in Chappaqua

Andie: good idea?

Allie: what kind

            Well…

Andie: I’ll send the recipe tomorrow remind me

            Chocolate Chippy Carmel things

            Its baackkk!

Allie: my roomies and me made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with toffee and dried cherries for our landlord and she loved them.

Andie: whoa, Martha was pissy to Eugene!

Allie: And now she smiles at me

Andie:  “you thickened it WITH????”

            Aw Martha <3s Stefan

Allie: that Paella looks amazing. Paella is so delicious

Andie: mmmmmm, Hosea is my favorite right now in the series

            Now that I said that he’ll go home

Allie: he better not because he’s on my fantasy team

Andie: Potato Risotto? interesting….

Allie: I can’t wait to see Fabio and Martha

            “Pungent”

Andie: OMG, I hope he woos her

Allie: you don’t want Martha to say “pungent”

            JERSEY

            JERSEY JERSY

            Ariane stumped Martha!

Andie: Jersey girls got along

Allie: ARIANE !

            SHE’S SO AWEMOE

            I love her

            I officially love her

            If she’s ok for Martha, she’s ok for me

Allie: Martha pronouciates her words so well

Andie: I know

Allie: PO-TAY-TO-RIS-SO-TO

Allie: Eugene’s gonna FIGHT!

Andie: where is her jersey accent?!

Allie: Martha vs. Eugene

Andie: “housewives” – is that an offensive word?

Allie: who wins in a bitch-fight?

Andie: Martha DOES NOT like Fabio!

            Martha wins def

Andie: she went to PRISON

Allie: hahahaha, Fabio’s vein

Andie: haha “my grandmother would be so ashamed of you”

Allie: Fabio’s grandma vs. Martha

          Who wins?

           In a bitch fight?

Andie: Fabio’s g-ma!!!!

Allie: Fabio’s g-ma WTF!!

Andie: those Italians are feisty!

            Dude, Ariane AGAIN?!?

Allie: ARIANEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Andie: hahahaah

Allie: SHE’S SO AMAZING

Andie: I’m proud of her

             Comeback kid!

            “Pleased Martha” – that is winning in itself

            And Ariane is the one who will actually use that book you know?

Allie: totally

Andie: I don’t think the other actually cook at home

Allie: not for kids

             Wait

            I just missed the challenge

            Elves?

            Who are they?

            Family?

            Oooo!!!

Andie: are you kidding?!?!

Allie: WTF?

            What is going on?

            They’re so confused

             “Strong voices” is Bravo’s nice way of saying “black voices”

Allie: Carla is having a huge celebrity sighting day

Andie: they’re besties

Allie: challenge is:

            Cook food for black people

Andie: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Allie: oh god

Andie: I LOVE THIS!

Allie: Is the choir going to sing every time someone picks a knife?

Andie: yesss

Allie: what is going on?!?!?

           This is ridiculous

Andie: What, no, “FIIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINGS”?

            That’s the best part!

Allie: Ya!!

            That is the best part

Andie: Beaker; “my mind cannot compute”

Allie: I don’t get the challenge

            Can you explain it?

Andie: of course it can’t darling, you met Martha, and you saw the Harlem gospel choir

         Yes, you need to create a dish around your verse

          So, 12 drummers drumming can be little drumsticks done fancy

          Or skewers

          Or FIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINGS could be some sort of ringed food

Allie: got it!

            The Real Housewives are so incredibly awful

            Aww, that singing was so cute! I loved that

Andie: our Whole Foods!

Allie: We saw Padma there!

         Carla has no boobs

          Like none

Andie: Ok I like that – pipers piping = smoking something

Allie: Ya

   That sounds good

   Jeff isn’t horrible

   He’s just like

   Down on himself

   Bad attitude

   Leah’s all about the one bite

Andie: yeah he needs a spirit lifter

    ahhhh the infamous deviled eggs from the promo

Allie: I love that Ariane drops her Gs

Andie: ARIANE!

Allie: uh oh, Scallops!

Andie: Why uh oh?

Andie: yeah

  Deviled eggs though…..

  I know we saw in the previews tom was mad but still – who make those on top chef?

Allie: wait who’s making deviled eggs?

Andie: Arianne

  !!!!

  “Geese a layin’”

Allie: oh no!

Allie: ok, what is with that watermelon, seriously?

Andie: we were just commenting on that!

  No clue

  Stefan’s work

Allie: Their New York apt. is nice than any other apt. they’ve had before

Andie: oh no….THE FRIDGE

Allie: horrible!

   They need to all band together

   And make one big meal

Andie: looks like they are trying to…

Allie: Rhadika better pull it out

  OMG, those are my two teammates!

Allie: THEYRE BOTH ON MY TEAM

   It’s so nice that everyone is helping

Andie: yeah

Allie: but see

  This is what I’m talking about

  They all work together so well

Andie: and I bet the crew people knew the fridge wasn’t closed and couldn’t tell them

Allie: It’s not a competition

  But it’s very Christmassy

  But they’re going to flip out if one of the people who got help wins

Andie: this is why I love this show – it’s a competition but they work in a kitchen with other chefs    and this is what they do on a daily basis

Allie: its never been like this before

  This is the first season

  That was touching though

  All so touching

Andie: no this is the first time its been this nice and wonderful

  A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

  Fabio is going to win this little phone quiz like 99 to 1.

“Who do you want to go under the mistletoe with?”

Andie: Michelle Bernstein!!!

Allie: she’s awful

Andie: why isn’t Hosea on that quiz?

Andie: No, Michelle Bernstein is not awful

Allie: Hosea isn’t that cute

Andie: I like him

  I mean, no Harold season 1

Allie: hello

  SAM

  TALBOT

  All I got to say

  Don’t even talk Harold to me

  When there’s Sam

Andie: you’re right, Sam wins

     But Harold was the first gorgeous top chef

  I want to go to Perilla!

Allie: me2

Andie: holiday special next week!

  You’ll be in Mexico

Allie: oh no

  I’ll see it though

  Ok

  I hope the food is good

Andie: me too

  Haha Stefan called that Natasha Richardson “yum”

Allie: the voice is what Fabio likes?

  What about the BOD?

  She’s so hot!

  This is an anti-AIDs commercial

Andie: yeah she is

  Ha it’s like July and they are having a staged Christmas party so funny

Allie:  we just watched a commercial for Natasha Richardson’s foundation without knowing it

Allie:  I hope Rhadika wins

  How does Carla know what Kenneth Cole looks like?

Andie: no idea

Allie: gene is gonna get fucked

Andie: yeah too sweet

  Damnit, Eugene!

Allie: o Jamie, big bad

Andie: raw scallops? That’s what they said?

Allie: YES

  Where’s Gail?

Andie: gone!

  Getting married

  I wish Martha was still here

Allie: I know! Where is Martha?

Andie: beets – I like beets

Allie: I don’t know if I’ve ever had one

Andie: and that cheese (so does Brian – he just showed up)

  I did for the firs time a few weeks ago

Allie: these New York women are upfront

  Just trying to get on TV

Andie: yeah

  Socialite!

Allie: Padma’s hair looks great like that

Allie: where the eff is Gail?

  Oh you know what

  Honeymoon

Andie: yeah

  Wedding things

Allie: ugh

  bumster

Andie: not for her

  She’s honeymooning!

Allie:  long honeymoon

Andie: Well, she had the wedding.

Allie: the shower isn’t right before the wedding, is it?

Andie: I don’t know. I’m sure that wasn’t her real shower.

  I hope it wasn’t

Allie: really hope it wasn’t.

Andie: I’m sure it wasn’t

  Ok, my friend Matthew predicted Eugene to go home

Allie: Ya, he’s due

Andie: yeah

  But they are going to rip into Ariane

Allie: nah

  I like that more than two people are winning these challenges

Andie: yeah I hope so

Allie: not like last season

  You know

  Ok my whole fantasy team is in the top right now!!!!

  I rule

Andie: Yeahhhh, Allie!

Allie: I just said that aloud

  “I rule”

Andie: haha

  Of course you did

  RAD FOR TEH WINS?!?!

Allie: I’m going to get so many points tonight

  That’s who I predicted

Andie: even better!

Allie: NICE

  WHEATEVR

Andie: I like Hosea

Allie: HOSEA

  Oh, Ariane slid by

Andie: yeah she did

Allie: haha

Andie: I’m surprised

Allie: and Carla

  Me too

  The judges are so stern!!

  Jamie has such a dominant stance

  She’s so ridiculous

Andie: yeah she does

  Doesn’t take criticism well

Allie: she’s like Lisa

Andie: yeah but I like her more than Lisa

  Lisa was – I don’t know – awful

Allie: every time she moves her head they make that swishy noise

That is a lot of cheese

Andie: yeah

  So did Jeff though – blue cheese is a pretty strong cheese

  People either love it or hate it

  Jeff’s cheese must have been milder.

Allie: gene looks like he’s going to flip out

Andie: he’s pretty darn close

  Wow Michelle Bernstein doesn’t take crap from anyone!!!

  She’s a New York woman

  Fighter!

Andie: yeah she is

Allie: could Jamie go?

  No

  It’s Gene

Andie: totally Gene

  Maybe Melissa – but I still think gene

Allie: could be either

 Wow

Andie: wait are they mad at all the chefs?!

Allie: woaw

  They really are

Andie: THEY ARE!

  I would be so scared if daddy Tom gave me a talking to

  Roomie just had an interesting thought – maybe they won’t send anyone home

  They’ve done it before

Allie: I hope that doesn’t happen

Andie: just a thought

  Putting it out there

Allie: too confusing

Andie: ha

Allie: I don’t like these super sized episodes

  I need to go to bed!

Andie: LOL Tommmm

Andie: Leah, don’t talk back to daddy tom!

Allie: wa wa

  These are grown ups!

  WOW

Andie: TOLD YOU!!!!!!!

Allie: WOW

  You called it

  No one going home!

Andie: technically, Molly called it

  She wants a shoutout

Allie: lol

  Ok

Andie: annnnd the end

Allie: very good

Andie: OMG next challenge rocks!

Allie: THIS IS TOP CHEF THIS IS NOT TOP SCALOPS

Andie: HAHAHA

Allie: WOAW

  Two men on the judges table

Andie: i know!

Allie: wow

Andie: beaker’s reaction?

Allie: ok bed time

Andie: PRICELESS

  Ditto

  Love you

  Talk tomorrow

BONUS BLOG

Gawker has a fantastic article about last night’s Top Chef (and Padma’s hot ass) on the site today. Check it out.

Kisses,

–Allie

One Hot Saturday Night

Happy “Day Before Top Chef”, everybody! Today I want to tell you about the EXCITING weekend Andie and I had. We went OUT this weekend, you know! Hit the clubz! Drank Red bulls! We caught us some hot studs and we…ok, I have no idea what I’m talking about.

What we actually did this weekend was spend our Saturday night at Whole Foods market on Bowery. Now, regardless of the fact that both Andie and I consider Saturday night at the grocery store a pretty good time, this particular occasion was EXTRA special because we went to see our girl PADMA LAKSHMI do a cooking demonstration from her book, “Tangy, Tart, Hot & Sweet”! Groceries AND a celebrity sighting in one night? GREAT SUCCESS!

So let me start by saying that Padma is about 26 times more beautiful in person than she is on TV. Maybe its because Andie and I were sitting in the second row, seats we came an hour early to procure, that I got such a close up view of her gorgeous and perfect face but whatever it is, I need to know her skincare regimen. This woman is flawless.

Regarding her personality, well, I’ll start by saying that of course the first thing she addressed was Top Chef, and that the very grocery store in which we were sitting was the very one where the Season 5 contestants bought groceries for their ‘Elimination Challenges”!!!! Then she made a joke about Ostridge Eggs. HA! The woman is funny!

Unfortunately, we didn’t really get much of a sense of Padma’s cooking skills, as the “demonstration” of a dish from Padma’s book [sweet potatoes and Lima beans with coriander, lemon juice, cumin, basil and red chillies] was run more by a Whole Foods chef than Padma herself. All she really did was micro-manage the cooking, refuse to answer the question of, “Who wins Season 5?”, and read a story from her cook book in which Padma paints herself as a scrappy Indian kid in L.A. stealing Roses from a neighbor’s garden for Mother’s day. It was cute, actually, and her writing wasn’t too terrible. Its clear that Salman Rushdie married her for her brain, not her looks. ….Right.

All in all, I am much more of a Padma fan now than I ever have been. She seems like a cool chick you could chill with. I mean, you want to hate her because she’s so flipping beautiful, but you just can’t! She’s like one of those girls who only has one close girl friend and about a million dudes who love her [read: want-to-bone-her] because she’s gorgeous, and, well, cool! BRAVO, Padma! You and your sweet potatoes have won us over!

-Allie and Andie

Woohoo!

The Gorgeous Ms. Lakshmi

Working together

Reading from her book, with glasses no less!

Holy Padmamole!

Guess who’s doing a demo from their Tangy, Spicy, Rutti & Tooti cookbook late tomorrow afternoon at the Whole Foods on Bowery?

BAM! Padma Hot-shmi!!

Will you be there at 6:30? You bet Andie and I will! Hopefully we’ll get some Spicy, Tart, Fresh & Fruity pictures of Ms. Padma for this here blog!

Happy weekend!

-Allie

This is Annoying

UGH!!!! Sometimes I hate this stupid Internet!!!!!

I just spent 30 minutes trying to embed a video of Padma Lakshmi on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” discussing why Ariane didn’t get kicked off Top Chef last week (even though Padma SPIT OUT her food) and I was all ready to make all these jokes like, “Bet that’s not the only think Padma spits,” and “Guess that lemon custard had the wrong proportions of Tangy Tart Hot & Sweet” but NO. WordPress DOESN’T WANT ME TO EMBED VIDEO. They could have told me that before I watched an online tutorial and sent a gloating email about my skilz to my computer programmer boyfriend!! UGH!

Anyway, if you wanna see the stupid video, you’re gonna have to go here. You can also watch Little Miss No Manners spit out Ariane’s best attempt at a dessert by clicking the above link.

Enjoy double for both of us.

-Allie

TOP CHEF! Season 5 Episode 2

Hey everybody! Did you enjoy last night’s episode of Top Chef? AKA: BEST EPISODE EVER!!?? There were so many brilliant moments last night… the crazy hot dog vendor! Fabio’s rants! Potential Top Chef relationship! PADMA’S DISGUSTING SPIT-OUT! It’d be impossible to write about it all; so, instead, i’m going to post a cleaned up and edited version of the notes I took last night during the show. Beleive me, you want the edited version. The one I wrote last night while “under the influence” has an ungodly amount of misspellings and alot of “OMG I LOVE THIS!” that really goes without saying. So, without further ado, here are the notes, the PG-13 version:

Top Chef Episode 2

 

 

I hate that the European guy thinks only the other European guy is his competition

 

I love that the kitchen looks like the subway. Hope it doesn’t have the subway’s rats

 

QUICK FIRE: signature hot dog:

   -use the rats from the top chef subway station to make hot dogs! Perfect! Genius!

 

Ok, I’m starting to love Fabio. The accent is endearing me to him. I can’t help it. I’m sorry.

 

I love this hot dog cart woman. She has no clue what she’s doing here.

 

ewwww hot dog sushi! Do. Not. Want!

 

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE: Cook a meal at Craft

 

This is fabulous, fabulous idea!

 

The people who didn’t make it onto Top Chef are going to be so fucking mean. Incorporating angry new Yorkers into this show is genius. There is so much hilarity built in to New York people.

 

OMG I TOTALLY SHOP AT THIS WHOLE FOODS OMG !!!!!!!

 

Ok, Fabio is totally likable. He’s unbelievably likable. Something about that Mediterranean accent is so non-threatening and fabulous. I am swooning.

 

Why is Jill with this Ostrich egg? This is ridiculous and disrespectful! I hate Jill. She should be an ANTM contestant, she’s got that gangly too tall thing goin on, and those lips. Whatever, put her somewhere that isn’t here. I hate her.

 

I am so anxious waiting to see what the Rejected New Yorkers have to say. I can NOT WAIT.

 

Wow, I feel really uncomfortable looking at Gene now after last week’s blunder. This is not good.

 

OMG A TOP CHEF RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!! This is shaping up to be the best. top. chef. ever.

 

Why are they letting Fabio talk so much? I can’t understand a word he’s saying. But I love it anyway. Swoooooon.

 

Lisa is an idiot. Why is she so tall?

 

Wow, the new Yorkers haven’t even eaten yet and they’re ALREADY pissed!

 

You know, I think that “Crazy Eyes” Carla is growing on me. She’s like a kindergarten teacher; she’s talking to us as kindergartners. I kind of like it. I want her to hug me.

 

Padma’s boobs look great in that shirt

 

Tom’s sue chef seems so uninterested in being a part of this challenge. He looks like an a-hole

 

Lovin this lady’s night Judges table!!

Best Exchange of the night:

Donatella: it tastes like glue

Gail: yes

 

Why does it seem like some chefs are so good and some are so bad? These first episodes are so useless.

 

I gotta say: Although Jeff seems like a giant douche, and even though he just called his co-chefs “brothers”, his food looks effing yummy

 

 

OMG PADMAS IS SPITTING THIS SHIT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

 

Richard’s sandwich looks yum

 

Padma’s said: “I spit it out into my napkin. I spit out that nasty ass lemon custard shit that you served me in a a martini glass like, are you catering my bat mitzvah circa 1988??”

 

 Oh man I love apple tart

 

I love how scared all the chefs are. They all choked, big time.

 

The judges look like they feel bad for them. Or maybe Tom is mad?? Actually I think he’s like personally offended! Tom takes this show so seriously, its great.

 

JUDGES TABLE:

Oh wow, Fabio is too, too charming. I’m in love.  

 

Lisa, Tom hates this girl. He is disgusted by this girl. What a mean face.

The problem with Lisa and Arianne is that they’re unsophistocated. This isn’t Rachael Ray, people.  

 

Anyone notice that Padma used to go get the contestants to ask them to come to Judge’s table and now she doesn’t? Now they come to HER!

 

Final decision: Good, they made the right call, that girl is too much, and so is the crying 40 year old woman, she’s insane. She has to go. Next episode

 

So there you go! The whole episode in one tidy re-cap. As you can see, I’m changing my mind ever so slightly as to who are my new favs (Fabio! Carla!) and as to the general shape of this season (I LIKE!) I’m getting pumped for the next couple of weeks!

AND NOW for a few pictures from Bravotv.com

Gotta pee real bad or totally gleeful?

YOU KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT!!!

Anyone has a brilliant caption for these photos? Post it in the comments and we’ll give you your very own post!

Can’t wait for next week!! Top Chef, best show on television!!!!!

-Allie