Another Blog about Last night

I’ve just stumbled upon a lot of things I want to bring to your attention; most of them involve Twitter.

1st: Poor Gail, she’s feeling just as bad as we are RE: Carla

from amusebiatch and Gail’s twitter:

Ugh, horrible. Great pic of Gail, though! She’s such a beaut, and she’s got fabulous breasts. Moving on…

2: A conversation between a Twitter interview and Top Chef subsitute Judge Toby Young:

DUDE: Are you coming back next season? Or for any other TC projects?

TOBY: My people are talking to their people, as we say in show business. I hope they can work it out — it’s been a lot of fun

HMMMMM, I’ll take that as a NO! If the complete lack of Toby the Terrible in the past three episodes is any indication, I think the producers got the picture: WE NO LIKEY.

ok 3, from Amuse-biatch again, a big “WTF” that we missed:

 

Ew. He gets the girl AND the title? What is wrong with this world?

For more funny/angry/confused Top Chef blogs and videos, I suggest the following:

Gawker

Grub Street

TIME magazine (yes, thats right)

enjoy!

WORST. FINALE. EVER!!!

Wow….247 people have already checked this blog for our reaction to last night’s Top Chef, and its not even 10am! I guess you really care what we have to say. That, or you’re just as PISSED as we are and you’re looking for a place to vent. Either way, I think we all agree that the only possible reaction to last night’s Top Chef is: WHAT THE FUCK!?!??!

Never in my life have I been so unhappy at a Final episode of a series.  NEVER. Even the Sopranos ended better than this. My trust/love/respect for this show is shot to hell, truly. It’s been nearly 12 hours and I’m still angry. Mother Trucker!

Oh, you mean some of you don’t know? Ok: The idiot gap toothed baldie bear jerk , with the help of  Top Chef Season 4’s far superior Richard Blais, beat Carla and Stefan for the title.  The judges loved his venison…they loved his red snapper app…they thought his only mistake was serving meat instead of a sweet for his final course, but they loved the damn meat, so they forgave it! And Carla totally bombed. And Stefan shot himself in the foot with this dessert Padma so hilariously described as “Pedestrian at best.” HA! The one bright spot in the show, for me anyway. Padma is so stupid. Anyway…

It just kills me how Casey, Carla’s sous chef, came back and, in her one chance to redeem herself from her shotty showing at her own Top Chef Finale episode in season 3, she COMPLETELY recreated the exact scenario she was in 2 years ago: a strong contender who coulda gone all the way doesn’t cook what she knows how to cook and she ends up in a distant 3rd. So sad.

What killed me is how upset she was.  Carla – what did you learn when cooking for Wylie Dufrense? Jacques Pepin? Freakin  ERIC RIPERt? You succeed when you cook your food!! C’mon, there’s no Love in Sous Vide meat! You don’t do sous Vide meat! And why would you not make a tart!? The judges LOVE your tarts! Seriously Carla: I am so dissapointed.

But you know what? We still love you, HOOTIE – FOREVER! And I’m putting my money on Carla being Fan Favorite next week at the reunion. Screw Fabio. Yes – I said that.

It really sucks that the judges based their final decision on one meal instead of the competition as a whole (especially since they so obviously gave Stefan a pass in order for him to get into the finals) but that’s the TC policy since day one, weather we like it or not, and that’s why this guy is now “Top Chef,”

And why I have to go barf now.

Please comment and share your angry rants with us. We need to bond together in times like this. Its not healthy to go through these tough moments alone. To quote Harvey Milk, “I KNOW YOU’RE ANGRY! I’M ANGRY!!!!!” Let us heal together. In the comments.

This is not a Butt Rubbing Contest!

A day late, but if you still care I have a few things to say about Wednesday’s Top Chef:

eh hem:

IT ROCKED!

Now, saying that something “rocked” is NOT something I would do normally, but I was so impressed by this weeks TC, that I gotta pull out what is arguably the most embarrassing phrase of all time to explain how much I liked it. I watched it TWICE it was so good!  DAMN! Ok, lets get started.

First – a set change: New Orleans. Top Chef + New Orleans = BRILLIANCE, why did we never think of this before? Is there a more culinarily exciting city in the U.S.? NO! Anyone who has ever eaten a shrimp po-boy from Brother’s, a restaurant so old school it has no website, will agree. DAMN! I looooooooooooooooooooooooooove me some Cajun soul food. New York, you’ve got some amazing restaurants, but I’ll take Jambalaya over $15 Pork Bun any day.

Plus: New Orleans has so much life, It was practically jumping off the screen at me. I love any challenge where catering and large groups of local people are involved. You can always tell the most successful chefs by the opinion of the real people eating their food, particularly when local cuisine is on the menu. But I’m getting ahead of myself, back to the beginning.

The show started off with a great Quickfire, guest-judged by none other than Mr. Nawlins himself, Emeril Lagasse:

BLAM! I mean, BAM!

What a fun dude. I’ve never been much for his show on the Food Network, but he really won me over on this Top Chef episode. He was comfortable, kind and fun to watch. GREAT guest judge, and the first Food Network star, I might mention, to grace our little Bravo show. Martha Stewart and Emeril Lagasse in one season? That’s huge! Who’s next, Paula Dean? Rachael Ray? 30 minute meal quickfire? The possibilities are endless!

OK: so we all should have seen it coming that the last 3 eliminated contestants would be back, but I did not, and I was excited to see only one of them: Jeff, the winking cutiepie:

I felt so bad when he got kicked off and he was like, “I’ll probably be sad about this for at least 10 years,” so it was nice to see him come back and redeem himself. He deserved it too, unlike Jamie and Leah, at who I would have been annoyed if they’d made it back into the running.

So the 5 new finalists go to a fancy dinner and then they get their challenge: catering! I LOVE catering, and so do Stefan and Carla who had an obvious advantage seeing as they’re both PROFESSIONAL CATERERS. Not to be outdone, I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by Hosea, who really seemed to have done his homework before coming to New Orleans. Dude studied up on Cajun/Creole cuisine, which was SMART. As much as I hate to say it, I gott have respect….damnit.

I was underwhelmed last night by Fabio and the magic fauxhawk who made Pasta, AGAIN. I know you’re italian, but come on:

Oh, AMAZING bit of info from Fabio’s exit interview on endlesssimmer.com:

What are you up to now?
I’m getting a lot of offers, being asked to do TV shows, license my image on a line of cooking products, so all kinds of things. I hope you liked my face, because unfortunately, you’re going to be seeing a lot of it.

Another TV show! Tell us more.
Aaah, I can’t say yet, but let me just say – Watch What Happens.

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! FABIO’S COMING TO BRAVO, FULL TIME! Damn, if you didn’t see that coming, you are dumb as hell, or you seriously don’t watch enough TV. But, YAY!! Can’t wait for that shit. You can read the rest of his silly interview here.

Moving on:

All the food the chef’s made last night looked AMAZING: gumbo, corn cakes, cheesy grits and cocktails? Sign me up! But I must say that, as much as I would have liked for Jeff to stay on, Carla’s meal really took the cake.

I mean, girl made deep friend sausage-shrimp balls. What could really be better (and less kosher) than that? NOTHING! Could she really take it all next week?? I dunno!

OH FORGOT TO MENTION: GAIL WAS BACK! yay! Love her! The judges were so much more together with Gail there. Without her, Tom was the only regular judge with any really legitimate things to say about the food. Now we have the Gail and Tom dynamic, which I happen to love, and which seems to shut up Padma (who all the contestants seem to hate, btw) and that’s a good thing.

All in all: I’m happy. I’m exciting. I can’t wait. The finale, the reunion, its gonna be good shit. I’m glad this season is ending with a bang. God now’s my broke ass needs it.

BAM!

A little Gail Goes a Long Way

Thank heavens for BravoTV.com. I found today that they had a little bit of what I need, and that’s Gail Simmons

Gail does a fabulous job in her blog this week explaining the decision that ultimately got Jamie sent home. On TV, it doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense, but from Gail, I get it. Good parts bolded below:

 

Were you surprised that Jamie was sent home?

No. She went home because she didn’t like her dish as much as anything else. From the get-go she knew this was not a technique she liked. She didn’t want to do the bass right off the bat. It was her least favorite dish, so I think a lot of it became attitude. I love Jamie, I loved her from the first day, and I actually think she’s a great talent. I have a lot of friends in San Francisco who are obsessed with her restaurant. I know she had a shot at being Top Chef just as much as anyone, but I know she can be negative when she doesn’t like what she’s doing. That is a problem for chefs, because it’s easy for them to forget that they’re not cooking for themselves, they’re cooking for customers. There are always going to be tasks, dishes, flavor profiles and combinations, and ingredients you might not like or might not be your favorite thing to do.

You can argue that as an executive chef of restaurant you’ll never have to do something you don’t want to, but even that’s not true, especially now. If a customer comes into your restaurant and pays $100 a person or more, as they would be at Le Bernardin, and a customer says, “I want a side of Caesar Salad with my fish” or something like that, that’s what you do for them. Cooking cannot be about your ego. Chefs often get into a lot of trouble when they stop cooking for other people, and they start cooking for themselves only. I think Jamie can fall into that trap. I think part of her demise on this episode was that her head wasn’t in the game because she didn’t love what she was doing. She saw the challenge as a hindrance to her success.

Gail, right? She knows.

Now for a tiny spoiler:

Can you give us a little teaser about the Finale?

What I can tell you is that I had the most amazing time in New Orleans. I can’t believe how dynamic the city is, and how good and diverse the food is. You will get to see a lot of that on the show. New Orleans will really show the true colors of the remaining chefs. Nothing is as it seems. Nothing.

Ok, now I’m excited!

Top Chef Deja Vu

Ohhhh Top Chef. We love you so much that we watch your cheesey holiday specials. Twice.

If you weren’t celebrating Santa’s arrival with your family Wednesday night – or you DVRed it for Christmas morning and weren’t opening presents – you may have caught the Top Chef Holiday special. It seemed a little off to me. Why were they in Chicago when this season was in New York? And why were there no Season 4 favorites competing? Where was Twitching Andrew and his boyfriend Spike?!

Something fishy…but this made me remember:

There IS a Santa!

Eric Ripert as Santa?!?! REPEAT! I was a little sad – and bored. I couldn’t remember who won but I remembered Stephen (and his suits – very Barney in How I Met Your Mother….but not as awesome) losing on the first round and the Josie-can’t-find-a-can-opener business. But I couldn’t remember who won. So I sat through it to find out.

To me, it was just not a great episode – Marcel irks me. And there just wasn’t enough CJ to get me through it. It’s getting me ready for the new episode in January – new judge!!! I’ll miss Gail – although not as much as Beaker apparently.

Happy Holidays!

Martha, Natasha and Padma, OH MY!

Well, last night’s episode of Top Chef did NOT dissapoint, and hopefully neither will our hilarious musings below. ENJOY!

 

 

Allie: So, we’ve begun

Andie: Haha the Euros are funny

Allie: I know, I love them

            Did you look at the pictures I posed about, the ones on Amuse-biatch with their wives/girlfriends?

Andie: no! I’ll look tomorrow

Allie: Aww, Hosea is such a nice Jewish boy is calling to check on his father!

Andie: I know! He has cancer L

Allie: this is sad!

Allie: Look at this Christmas set up

            Where are the dreidels?

            Seriously?

            How is this a “holiday” party with no decorations other than     Christmas ones?

     WHERE ARE THE FREAKIN DREIDELS??

Andie: Martha doesn’t do Jews?

Allie: Padma is wearing a sweater

            That means its winter now.

Andie: No, its still summer

            They just want it to feel like its winter atmosphere!

Allie:   Right, that’s what I meant

Andie: MARTHA!!!!!!!!!

Allie: MARTHA

           TOP CHEF GODDESS

Andie: Carla’s face!

Allie: CARLA

            I’ve been waiting all season for that face

            What what! Jersey pride, I love Ariane.

Andie: yeah except she claims Connecticut, not NJ

Allie:  Ya, she’s a bad ass b/c she went to prison

            Are we pretending that didn’t happen?

 Andie: yes

Allie: Why does Martha get to act like she didn’t go to prison?

 Andie: 45 minutes for a one pot? Casserole!

 Allie: I know

            My first thought was a winter stew, but that would take too long

Allie: You have to let stew…stew

Andie: Kale! I made Kale for dinner!

Andie: back on team Jamie

            oooh Paella could be dangerous, Hosea

 Allie: Paella will be d’lish

            It’s just the Quickfire

           They can afford to take a risk. Quickfire is when they should take risks b/c if you don’t win its like, “oh well”.

 Andie: This is true

Andie: Ariane and Jamie? I would never have put that pairing together.

Allie: wow, that’s a great duo

            I would have never thought.

            Ugh

            Jamie

            So arrogant!

Andie: I made polenta tonight too!

            Seriously, this Quickfire is my dinner!

Allie: no way!

Andie: in bits and pieces

Allie: that’s so weird

            What did you make?

 Andie: kale chicken and mushrooms over polenta

 Allie: mmmm!

            I’m loving this one pot!

 Andie: uh oh, Eugene’s doing stew!

            dum dum dummmm!

Allie: I love comfort food

Andie: let’s see if your prediction comes true

            I know me too!

            Where’s the Mac n cheese?!?

Andie: is that an X-MAS food?

Allie: that’s not all in one pot

            Mac and Cheese, you gotta make rue.

            Ya, Martha’s a tough woman because she went to PRISON

Andie: the Jew clearly knows nothing

Allie: Seriously

            Great judge

            Great guest judge

Andie: best guest judge ever!

            Actually

            I take it back

Allie: but we’re all pretending like she didn’t go to prison

Andie: Anthony bourdon is the best judges ever

Allie: yes he is

Andie: obvi

Allie: but Martha

            Ok

            Why

             Did she get to go to prison, come right back, and we let her go RIGHT back to her normal life!?

Andie: I wonder what she was like in prison.

            She didn’t go RIGHT back

Allie: it’s like she went to a prolonged spa vacation

Andie: she got roasted for a looong time

Allie: I mean…

Andie: but she had enough money to get herself back into the game

Allie: but if she had to go to ACTUAL prison

            Like

            If prison was equal for the rich and the poor

            Can you imagine what she’d be like now?

             I hope that neither you nor I ever have to go to prison.

            That’s what I’m wishing you for Hanukah, Andie.

Andie thanks Allie; I was really concerned I was going to prison this year

Allie: You never know

Andie: speaking of, I think I’m going to bake cookies for a Hanukkah party this weekend, in Chappaqua

Andie: good idea?

Allie: what kind

            Well…

Andie: I’ll send the recipe tomorrow remind me

            Chocolate Chippy Carmel things

            Its baackkk!

Allie: my roomies and me made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with toffee and dried cherries for our landlord and she loved them.

Andie: whoa, Martha was pissy to Eugene!

Allie: And now she smiles at me

Andie:  “you thickened it WITH????”

            Aw Martha <3s Stefan

Allie: that Paella looks amazing. Paella is so delicious

Andie: mmmmmm, Hosea is my favorite right now in the series

            Now that I said that he’ll go home

Allie: he better not because he’s on my fantasy team

Andie: Potato Risotto? interesting….

Allie: I can’t wait to see Fabio and Martha

            “Pungent”

Andie: OMG, I hope he woos her

Allie: you don’t want Martha to say “pungent”

            JERSEY

            JERSEY JERSY

            Ariane stumped Martha!

Andie: Jersey girls got along

Allie: ARIANE !

            SHE’S SO AWEMOE

            I love her

            I officially love her

            If she’s ok for Martha, she’s ok for me

Allie: Martha pronouciates her words so well

Andie: I know

Allie: PO-TAY-TO-RIS-SO-TO

Allie: Eugene’s gonna FIGHT!

Andie: where is her jersey accent?!

Allie: Martha vs. Eugene

Andie: “housewives” – is that an offensive word?

Allie: who wins in a bitch-fight?

Andie: Martha DOES NOT like Fabio!

            Martha wins def

Andie: she went to PRISON

Allie: hahahaha, Fabio’s vein

Andie: haha “my grandmother would be so ashamed of you”

Allie: Fabio’s grandma vs. Martha

          Who wins?

           In a bitch fight?

Andie: Fabio’s g-ma!!!!

Allie: Fabio’s g-ma WTF!!

Andie: those Italians are feisty!

            Dude, Ariane AGAIN?!?

Allie: ARIANEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Andie: hahahaah

Allie: SHE’S SO AMAZING

Andie: I’m proud of her

             Comeback kid!

            “Pleased Martha” – that is winning in itself

            And Ariane is the one who will actually use that book you know?

Allie: totally

Andie: I don’t think the other actually cook at home

Allie: not for kids

             Wait

            I just missed the challenge

            Elves?

            Who are they?

            Family?

            Oooo!!!

Andie: are you kidding?!?!

Allie: WTF?

            What is going on?

            They’re so confused

             “Strong voices” is Bravo’s nice way of saying “black voices”

Allie: Carla is having a huge celebrity sighting day

Andie: they’re besties

Allie: challenge is:

            Cook food for black people

Andie: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Allie: oh god

Andie: I LOVE THIS!

Allie: Is the choir going to sing every time someone picks a knife?

Andie: yesss

Allie: what is going on?!?!?

           This is ridiculous

Andie: What, no, “FIIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINGS”?

            That’s the best part!

Allie: Ya!!

            That is the best part

Andie: Beaker; “my mind cannot compute”

Allie: I don’t get the challenge

            Can you explain it?

Andie: of course it can’t darling, you met Martha, and you saw the Harlem gospel choir

         Yes, you need to create a dish around your verse

          So, 12 drummers drumming can be little drumsticks done fancy

          Or skewers

          Or FIIIIVE GOLDEN RIIIIINGS could be some sort of ringed food

Allie: got it!

            The Real Housewives are so incredibly awful

            Aww, that singing was so cute! I loved that

Andie: our Whole Foods!

Allie: We saw Padma there!

         Carla has no boobs

          Like none

Andie: Ok I like that – pipers piping = smoking something

Allie: Ya

   That sounds good

   Jeff isn’t horrible

   He’s just like

   Down on himself

   Bad attitude

   Leah’s all about the one bite

Andie: yeah he needs a spirit lifter

    ahhhh the infamous deviled eggs from the promo

Allie: I love that Ariane drops her Gs

Andie: ARIANE!

Allie: uh oh, Scallops!

Andie: Why uh oh?

Andie: yeah

  Deviled eggs though…..

  I know we saw in the previews tom was mad but still – who make those on top chef?

Allie: wait who’s making deviled eggs?

Andie: Arianne

  !!!!

  “Geese a layin’”

Allie: oh no!

Allie: ok, what is with that watermelon, seriously?

Andie: we were just commenting on that!

  No clue

  Stefan’s work

Allie: Their New York apt. is nice than any other apt. they’ve had before

Andie: oh no….THE FRIDGE

Allie: horrible!

   They need to all band together

   And make one big meal

Andie: looks like they are trying to…

Allie: Rhadika better pull it out

  OMG, those are my two teammates!

Allie: THEYRE BOTH ON MY TEAM

   It’s so nice that everyone is helping

Andie: yeah

Allie: but see

  This is what I’m talking about

  They all work together so well

Andie: and I bet the crew people knew the fridge wasn’t closed and couldn’t tell them

Allie: It’s not a competition

  But it’s very Christmassy

  But they’re going to flip out if one of the people who got help wins

Andie: this is why I love this show – it’s a competition but they work in a kitchen with other chefs    and this is what they do on a daily basis

Allie: its never been like this before

  This is the first season

  That was touching though

  All so touching

Andie: no this is the first time its been this nice and wonderful

  A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

  Fabio is going to win this little phone quiz like 99 to 1.

“Who do you want to go under the mistletoe with?”

Andie: Michelle Bernstein!!!

Allie: she’s awful

Andie: why isn’t Hosea on that quiz?

Andie: No, Michelle Bernstein is not awful

Allie: Hosea isn’t that cute

Andie: I like him

  I mean, no Harold season 1

Allie: hello

  SAM

  TALBOT

  All I got to say

  Don’t even talk Harold to me

  When there’s Sam

Andie: you’re right, Sam wins

     But Harold was the first gorgeous top chef

  I want to go to Perilla!

Allie: me2

Andie: holiday special next week!

  You’ll be in Mexico

Allie: oh no

  I’ll see it though

  Ok

  I hope the food is good

Andie: me too

  Haha Stefan called that Natasha Richardson “yum”

Allie: the voice is what Fabio likes?

  What about the BOD?

  She’s so hot!

  This is an anti-AIDs commercial

Andie: yeah she is

  Ha it’s like July and they are having a staged Christmas party so funny

Allie:  we just watched a commercial for Natasha Richardson’s foundation without knowing it

Allie:  I hope Rhadika wins

  How does Carla know what Kenneth Cole looks like?

Andie: no idea

Allie: gene is gonna get fucked

Andie: yeah too sweet

  Damnit, Eugene!

Allie: o Jamie, big bad

Andie: raw scallops? That’s what they said?

Allie: YES

  Where’s Gail?

Andie: gone!

  Getting married

  I wish Martha was still here

Allie: I know! Where is Martha?

Andie: beets – I like beets

Allie: I don’t know if I’ve ever had one

Andie: and that cheese (so does Brian – he just showed up)

  I did for the firs time a few weeks ago

Allie: these New York women are upfront

  Just trying to get on TV

Andie: yeah

  Socialite!

Allie: Padma’s hair looks great like that

Allie: where the eff is Gail?

  Oh you know what

  Honeymoon

Andie: yeah

  Wedding things

Allie: ugh

  bumster

Andie: not for her

  She’s honeymooning!

Allie:  long honeymoon

Andie: Well, she had the wedding.

Allie: the shower isn’t right before the wedding, is it?

Andie: I don’t know. I’m sure that wasn’t her real shower.

  I hope it wasn’t

Allie: really hope it wasn’t.

Andie: I’m sure it wasn’t

  Ok, my friend Matthew predicted Eugene to go home

Allie: Ya, he’s due

Andie: yeah

  But they are going to rip into Ariane

Allie: nah

  I like that more than two people are winning these challenges

Andie: yeah I hope so

Allie: not like last season

  You know

  Ok my whole fantasy team is in the top right now!!!!

  I rule

Andie: Yeahhhh, Allie!

Allie: I just said that aloud

  “I rule”

Andie: haha

  Of course you did

  RAD FOR TEH WINS?!?!

Allie: I’m going to get so many points tonight

  That’s who I predicted

Andie: even better!

Allie: NICE

  WHEATEVR

Andie: I like Hosea

Allie: HOSEA

  Oh, Ariane slid by

Andie: yeah she did

Allie: haha

Andie: I’m surprised

Allie: and Carla

  Me too

  The judges are so stern!!

  Jamie has such a dominant stance

  She’s so ridiculous

Andie: yeah she does

  Doesn’t take criticism well

Allie: she’s like Lisa

Andie: yeah but I like her more than Lisa

  Lisa was – I don’t know – awful

Allie: every time she moves her head they make that swishy noise

That is a lot of cheese

Andie: yeah

  So did Jeff though – blue cheese is a pretty strong cheese

  People either love it or hate it

  Jeff’s cheese must have been milder.

Allie: gene looks like he’s going to flip out

Andie: he’s pretty darn close

  Wow Michelle Bernstein doesn’t take crap from anyone!!!

  She’s a New York woman

  Fighter!

Andie: yeah she is

Allie: could Jamie go?

  No

  It’s Gene

Andie: totally Gene

  Maybe Melissa – but I still think gene

Allie: could be either

 Wow

Andie: wait are they mad at all the chefs?!

Allie: woaw

  They really are

Andie: THEY ARE!

  I would be so scared if daddy Tom gave me a talking to

  Roomie just had an interesting thought – maybe they won’t send anyone home

  They’ve done it before

Allie: I hope that doesn’t happen

Andie: just a thought

  Putting it out there

Allie: too confusing

Andie: ha

Allie: I don’t like these super sized episodes

  I need to go to bed!

Andie: LOL Tommmm

Andie: Leah, don’t talk back to daddy tom!

Allie: wa wa

  These are grown ups!

  WOW

Andie: TOLD YOU!!!!!!!

Allie: WOW

  You called it

  No one going home!

Andie: technically, Molly called it

  She wants a shoutout

Allie: lol

  Ok

Andie: annnnd the end

Allie: very good

Andie: OMG next challenge rocks!

Allie: THIS IS TOP CHEF THIS IS NOT TOP SCALOPS

Andie: HAHAHA

Allie: WOAW

  Two men on the judges table

Andie: i know!

Allie: wow

Andie: beaker’s reaction?

Allie: ok bed time

Andie: PRICELESS

  Ditto

  Love you

  Talk tomorrow

Post for Ian

By request, Gail Simmons’ husband, Jeremy:

Ya, I said that too.

Oh Hell

As If I needed another Top Chef related work distraction, I was just doing a little research for tonight’s episode on BRAVOTV.com when I came across the Top Chef Fantasy Game. Great. There goes the next hour.

So the game works like this: each week you pick a team for the week’s episode. My Team is called “NoDesserts.” YA! So, for each episode, each contestant is awarded or subtracted points for adhering to the following: 

What Happened Points

Wins the Elimination Challenge +6

Foo Fighters’ Favorite Dish  +5

Makes a dessert +5

In the top group at Judges’ Table, but not winner  +4

MVC: This week’s Most Valuable Chef  +4

Wins a Quickfire Challenge  +4

Helps a competitor  +3

Featured commenter about guest judge  +3

Featured in a “coming up next” clip +3

Says “I’m not here to make friends”, or a variation +1

First chef in Top Chef kitchen +1

Makes salad or scallop as main dish -1

Gets bleeped -1

Cries -1

Takes a taste from a utensil that is used during preparation -2

Judges say dish is over or under-seasoned -2

Talks back to the Judges’ Table -2

Fights with another contestant -2

Forgets an ingredient  -3

In the bottom group at Judges’ Table, but not eliminated  -4

Eliminated -6

 

Pretty hilarious, right?? And really right on (besides the dessert thing…whats that about) So, if your team wins the most points based on the aforementioned criteria, you win a free copy of the Top Chef Cookbook! And, if you’re the person with the most points at the end of the season, you win $2,500!!!! WOOOOHOOO. Clearly this is so worth my wasted time.

I’m sure you’re dying to know who I picked for my team this week. Well, I’ll tell you. My team is as follows: Stefan, Jamie and Leah. My reasons? Ahem:

1: Stefan

Stefan is a clear choice for obvious reasons. He is, in my opinion, the best chef on the show. Like Richard Blais before him, he shows a level of culinary skill that is head and shoulders above most of the other contestants, but not all, which is why I’m not declaring him the winner of this season, just an excellent team member. Also, I saw the preview for this week and it looks like the major storyline during the Elimination Challenge revolves around his crush on Jamie, which will win me some “featured in a ‘coming up’ clip” points.  And I think there’s a preeeeetty good chance he’ll say something like, “I’m not here to make friends,” even though I’d bet money that Danny is  our best chance on that front. Moving on!

2: Jamie

So, Jamie. While I don’t love her personality, I do think she’s a good chef. Maybe even a great one, I don’t know. The stuff with Stefan is a reason I picked her this week (see above) and a reason I will probably keep picking her in general. To take on Stefan, the arrogant European, you need balls, and I think Jamie’s got ‘em (insert lesbian joke here). I mean that in the most complimentary of ways, really. Plus, she’s come close to winning some quickfires in past few episodes, so maybe she’ll pull it out tonight. She’s not Stephanie, aka: the love of my life, but she is a strong woman who could go all the way. GO Jamie! …? Alright, finally,

3: Leah

I went back and forth between Leah and Hosea for my the 3rd slot on my team this week, and I think they’re both probably good cooks, but I settled on Leah for two reasons. 1: She’s won the past two quick fires and 2: she’s a girl. Now, usually gender wouldn’t inform my choice, but this week’s Elimination Challenge is a bridal shower for Gail, and I think that a woman chef may have more of a clue as to what ladies like to lunch on. Call it a hunch or a sexist presumption, but that’s what I think.

Now you may be asking: “Why didn’t she pick her clear favorite, Fabio?” Well, I don’t know. While I do think his cooking is good, and I’m sure he’ll charm the PANTS off the ladies at Gail’s lunch (which will lead to even more airtime than usual as the BRAVO people LOVE to showcase him and his Italian bravado) I just see him landing somewhere in the middle this week. I think that now, since we’re approaching episode 5, his Italian fare may start to get old. I could be wrong, we’ll see…but I’ve chosen my choices. I CHOOSE MY CHOICE!

If you want to play along in the fantasy game with me, just click the link above and create a team of your own. Then you can post your team name and members in the comments and we can see who wins. Should be fun!

 T-minus 6 hours.

-Allie